The Accursed Tower
by Shallowkit
Summary: A prophecy's curse begins the story of Team 7's most annoying mission. Prologue. Read
1. Prologue

PROLOGUE 

Long ago, there was a tower. In the tower, there was a lady. That lady was stuck… She was a damsel in distress (I think) waiting for her knight in shining armour, for a really, really long time. One night, a knight, a valiant and bold knight, chanced upon the cursed tower. The knight slayed the door (???) and entered, climbed up 1001 floors and reached the top panting and heaving, due to the heavy armour and his sack. He bolted the door in which the damsel lay, but it would not budge. So he simply unlocked it as if it was a normal wooden door, and it opened, much to his exasperation.

"Fair maiden!! I have fought the mighty door and run up a million stairs to save thou. Now, come, let us go from here," the knight called.

"That's it?? You're supposed to kiss me!!" She called annoyingly.

"Dude, I'm a girl too you know" Saying that, the knight removed her headpiece and revealed her identity.

"You're-!! ack, Jiraiya's mom…"

"And you're Orochimaru's mom, am I complaining?? Geez.."

"This is awkward…" a voice from the sack called out. "Onee-chan~ Can I come out now?"

Orochimaru's mom stared hard as a five year old kid tumbled out of the sack. "What's that..?"

"Don't be so mean, Orochimom! (Name of mother) This is my husband," the knight said.

"Yeah, she's my err… wife.. whatever. Onee-chan! I'm hungry"

"Well the prophecy states that whoever rescues the damsel must kiss her and get married and live happily ever after!!"

"Shut up Orochimom! What is this, Repunzel?? I am NOT kissing you, or any that follows, geez.. To think I was going to save you.." Faces the kid.

"I don't care little bro, you save her. I'm outta here," Jiraiya's mom jumps out window, realises that she can't fly so uses her hair as a parachute to safely land away from the moat of piranhas.

"Onee-chan!! You're so evil. You left me here!! Worst of all, you forgot your old hag!!" Orochimom stared hard at the kid.

"You wanna live kid?? Geez, I'm outta here," jumps out window. "Wait for me Jiraimom!!(you can guess)"

Orochimom and Jiraimom ran towards the sunset, never looking back.

"Onee-chan!!! I have no hair…"

The Prophecy of The Accursed Tower which is accursed

A young maiden, trapped in a tower's highest floor, will be rescued by a valiant knight who shall slay the wooden door, climb 1001floors, try to open the wooden door at the top in very interesting ways just to find out it can be opened by the handle and a simple push. The knight will then accidentally close the door which can only opened from the outside.

Ah, but it gets better. The damsel will get pissed off at the knight so will start cursing and will jump out the window. As to not die, she will use her hair as a parachute to land safely away from the piranhas. As her hair is yanked hard by the force, it will drop into the moat. The piranhas will eat the hair and will grow bigger and bigger. A new species of piranhas is found! Though they prefer blondes, … Ahem, back to the prophecy.

The damsel, while falling, will scream, "I should have done this years ago!!" and then laugh maniacally, running towards the sunset screaming "I'm free!!" never looking back but dying five minutes later of a heart-attack. Alas, the poor knight, is trapped in the tower, waiting for history to repeat itself.

A few years… A hundred years… Forget it!! A certain number of years later…

"Team 7!! Your mission is to rescue a damsel in distress trapped in the accursed tower's highest floor…" Tsunade

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Note: Rate and comment. Me and my sis got bored so…yeah. Will decide whether to continue from results.


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Team 7 happily heads off on their mission. As they reached the tower, Naruto stares at it unbelievingly of its height. Kakshi then uses his Raikiri to destroy the door and they all go inside. What lay before them should have made them faint but they had strong wills.

"So.. many.. stairs.." Naruto muttered as they began climbing up the 1001 floors. When they reached the door, Kakashi immediately used his Raikiri to try and destroy the door again. However, to no avail, the door had a seal which caused the Raikiri to bounce back and push Kakashi off the edge. To save himself, he grabbed Sasuke. To save Sasuke, Sakura grabbed his arm. To save Sakura, Naruto held onto the door and Sakura's arm. (poor Naruto)

Through a window on the wall nearby, a crow flew by, cawing. Naruto let go of the door's handle, pointing at the crow, "Look guys! A crow!" Naruto's feet slip, "oh damn.." and they all fall down the tower.

"You idiot!!!" Sakura whacks Naruto on the head, after which they restart climbing the tower. On reaching the top, they were careful not to hit the door. They tried to open the door but no avail. When they sat there panting, Sasuke walks towards the door, turns the handle and pushes. The door creaks and opens. Naruto and Sakura smile sheepishly at Sasuke and get up. Kakashi praises Sasuke and they all go inside. Naruto accidently slams the door behind them.

They see a bed with a damsel sleeping in it, blanket covering up to her face, her hair hanging over the edge. They look at the damsel queerly for a moment before Kakashi steps forward.

"Dear lady, we have come here to rescue you from the tower. Erm, are you even awake..?" Kakashi asked before the damsel suddenly got up. Much to everyone's shock, the damsel had a beard.

"Oh, hi! I was waiting for someone to save me for a while now.. That must be you. So, which one of you are going to kiss me? I'm a guy so, Could you kiss me?" asks Sakura.

"Eew!! Hell no!!! Don't come near me you pedophile!!" Sakura screams.

"I'm not a pedophile!! Geez.. modern girls are so.."

"What??"

" erm nothing.. Just get me outa here.. wait a minute!! I have hair!!"

Kakashi, Naurto and Sakura, "???"

"Of course you have hair idiot" Sasuke said annoyingly.

The man, who is the same guy from the prologue, Jiraiya's mom's little brother, gets out of the bed and heads towards the window.

Naruto curiously asks him, "Hey, old man, what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to jump out the window!! I have the power to fly now!!!"

Team 7 stares at old man weirdly.

"Don't be absurd," Kakashi yells, "Stop him!!" Team 7 heads for the window but, the old man jumps out using his hair as a parachute screaming…

"I should have done this years ago!!!" cackling like an old hag.

Team 7 looks out the window with a quizzical expression on their faces. The man after reaching the ground, runs towards the sunset, minutes later, dying of heart-attack.

"Oh well… Let's get outta here" Kakashi says, heading towards the door, turning the handle. His face turns pale.. "Oh crap.."

"What is it, Kakashi-sensei?" Sakura inquired.

"He said 'oh crap'.." Naruto muttered, "I have a bad feeling about this.."

"Well.. we're locked in." Kakashi begins. Everyone stare at him longingly. "Don't worry. I'm sure Tsunade-sama will realise that we've been gone to long and send another team to come and rescue us~" Kakashi smiles "Besides, we'll survive as long as we have this!!" holds up 'Icha Icha Paradise'. Everyone drops dead. " I brought all the volumes~" Kakashi sits on the sofa and begins to read.

Meanwhile back in Konoha…

"What's taking them so long??"

"erm, don't worry, Tsunade-sama, they'll be back" Shizune says, hesitating.

"Damn those idiots.. I don't have hope that they'll be coming back for a while…" Tsunade grumbles. Jiraiya walks into the office and laughs.

"Hey Tsunade, Shizune! I saw Kakashi bring all of the volumes of 'icha icha' with him!!" saying that, he smirks and laughs heartily. Tsunade goes into depression.

"That's it! Call in Team 10! I'm sending them to bring back that pineapple-head!" Tsunade orders, exasperated. Moments later, Team 10 set off on their rescue mission, unaware of the curse of the tower.

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Note: Thx for commenting!~ Oh and, in the prologue, the little boy called Jiraiya's mom, Nee-chan cuz they were siblings playing husband and wife. The tower is really tall with spiral stairs and no handles which is why Kakashi 'fell over the edge'. Pls tell me if the spelling of Kakashi's storybooks are wrong. We're doing this on a daily basis. Thanks!!~ =D


	3. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

In the tower, while Kakashi is reading, the three genins come up with a plan to escape this cursed tower.

"I will use my Kage Bunshin and make thousands of clones and send them to the ground through the window and we can use them as trampolines so we'll be safe when we jump out!" Naruto suggested.

Sasuke stared at Naruto for awhile and was about to say something when Naruto interrupted.

"No! That won't work. I know I will use my Rasengan and smash the window so we will have a bigger hole." Naruto said smiling.

"How will that be of any help? You moron!" Sakura shouted.

"Oi-" Sasuke began.

"Nono!! We'll create a parachute out of Kakashi-sensei's books!"

"Don't drag me into this" Kakashi continues reading. "Geez.. darn kids.."

"Ooh! Even better! I'll summon Gamabunta to help carry us out!!!"

"Hey, moron. Gamabunta is bigger then this room you know!! Besides I'm not riding a frog!!" Sakura yelled.

"Fine, then I'll…!!" Sasuke bonks Naruto on the head.

"Oi. Instead of all that crap, why don't we just climb down using chakra, moron."

"That's a wonderful idea Sasuke-kun!! You're as smart as ever!!"

"Geez, you didn't hafta hit me. Besides, that idea's too.."

"YOU HAVE A PROBLEM WITH THAT NARUTO??" Sakura cracked her knuckles.(efx:Scary face)

"err… no, Sakura-chan…."

Kakashi closed his book and got up. "Well, that's a good idea.(for once)"

All of them started to draw their chakra. However much they tried they couldn't do it. It was like their chakra was being sucked out. They kept trying but to no avail.

Naruto took this chance, "told you, it wouldn't work. My ideas were better."

Everyone stared hard at Naruto.

"Could you be any stupider? Sheesh" Sakura sighed "It's not the idea at fault here. It's the tower. I think this room absorbs our chakra when we try to draw it out."

"Well, well. There's only one thing we can do right now." Kakashi started. Everyone looks at him with hope. "Read 'Icha Icha'!~" Everyone drops dead. (again).

Meanwhile…

Team 10 sees the tall tower infront of them. They go inside and climbed the stair up 1001 floors.

"Can't … go on…. Much longer…!" Chouji panted.

They finally reached the top and knocked on the wooden door.

"Come in! There's plenty of space!!" Kakashi cooed. Team 7 stares at Kakashi weirdly.

"Who is it?" Naruto calls out.

"It's team 10. Tsunade-sama sent us to rescue you." Asuma called.

Chouji uses his jutsu to break open the door. However, he bounces off and knocks everyone over the edge. When they climbed back up, Sakura calls, "Just open the door!"

"That's what we're trying to do!" Ino shouted back.

Asuma now uses his wind blades to split the door. Then again, it bounces and hits them.

"Just open the door!" Naruto yelled.

"That's what we're doing, you idiot!" Ino yelled back.

Shikamaru sighed and went to examine this strange, strange door. He turns the knob and Eureka! It opens.

Team 7 cheered. As team 10 entered, Chouji closed the door behind him. Seeing that, Team 7 goes into depression.

"Chouji, you idiot! You closed the door." Naruto shouted.

"Why? What's wrong with that?" Chouji asked.

"It can only be opened from the outside.." Sasuke muttered, sitting on the bed. Everyone goes into depression.

"Don't worry! I'm sure Tsunade-sama has noticed your long-gone presence and will send reinforcements to help us out!~" Kakashi smiles, "Meanwhile, I shall read-"

"Ah-shuddup" Asuma snapped.

Back in Konoha

"Where the hell is that smoking idiot!!? Damn he's worse then Kakashi.."

"Have faith in them Tsunade-sama…" Shizune muttered half-heartedly.

"Geez.. They're losing it.. Send in Team 8!! If they fail…"

"Y-yes Tsunade-sama!!" Shizune scrambles out of the room. Now, Team 8 sets out on their mission to rescue Team 7 and 10, though, also unknowing of the curse…

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Note: Yo pplz! Hope you enjoyed. This one's longer then c1 and c1 was longer then the prologue lol.(just noticed) Thx for reviewing the earlier ones!!~ =D


	4. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Team 8 finally reached the tower. They were shocked at the incredible height of the tower. Kiba whined and they set off- climbing the tower that is.. When they finally reached the top, they were panting and out of breath.

"Hello! Is anyone in there?" Kiba called.

"Kiba! Yeah! We're stuck. Open the door" Naruto shouted back.

"We know!!" And saying that, Team 8 began its rediculous attempts to open the door. Kiba and Akamaru use Gatsuuga and try to knock the door down. However, they bounce back hitting Kurenei, Shino and Hinata, making all of them fall all the way down.

They climb back up and started panting and heaving.

" Just open the door!" Naruto called.

"We know! You dim-wit!" Kiba shouted back.

Shino lets his bugs go into the room through the window. The bugs could not unlock the door from the inside because practically, there was no keyhole or handle of sort. Shino gets pissed off and stands in a corner sulking. Hinata uses her Jyuuken to try and destroy the door but it bounces back and she almost fell off the stairs again.

"Just open the door idiots!!" Ino screamed annoyingly.

"That's what we're doing!!" Kiba yelled getting perplexed. Kurenai realised that if Ino was inside, then Team 10 must be inside.

"Asuma?" she called.

"yea?" he answered hopefully.

"How the hell did you get in??" She screamed. Asuma almost fell. Everyone was surprised by her sudden scream.

Shikamaru sighed and answered, "Turn the handle and push you half-wits." Kiba did as instructed and the door opened. Everyone was happy.

After awhile, everyone realised the door was closed.

"No... Why is the door closed?" Naruto wailed.

"The door is closed, because I closed it. Why? An open door should be closed. Why? Because they're meant to be closed. Why? I was raised to close open doors" Shino rambled on. Seeing everyone's confused faces, Shino continues, "You are wondering what this has to do with anything right? I'll tell you. Why? Because you are my comrades. Why? We come from Konoha. Why? Our parents were born in Konoha. So, we are also ninjas of Konoha which makes us able to go on missions as such sent by Tsunade-sama. Why? She is the Hokage and we must listen to her. Why? The Hokages are the leader and the most powerful ninja in the village. Why? Because everyone else is weaker then them. Why? Because they are not strong enough. Why? They probably did not train as hard. Why? They procrastinated."

"Procasti-what?"

"He means slacked off" Sakura answered Naruto annoyingly.

"You two were actually listening to him..?" Shikamaru asked. Sakura glared at Shikamaru before continuing.

"It means exactly what Shikamaru does." She smirked.

"But he's the only one who became Chuunin.." Chouji protested.

"That was dumb luck." She snapped. Asuma tried to break up the argument.

"Now, now, why're we fighting? We should be--" Asuma began, cutting off as Shino interrupted.

"Why? Because we are letting our anger get the best of us. Why? Because we don't want to lose out to each other. Why? We wish to out-do each other. Why? We wish to surpass each other. Why? We don't want to lose to each other. Why? ....." Shino continued and Kiba slaped his forehead and everyone groaned.

Kakashi finally looked up and closed the book. He looks astonished. "Why is Team 8 here?" He asked, puzzled.

Asuma began to answer, when he was cut off by Shino again.

"Why? Because we came to rescue you. Why? Tsunade-sama told us to rescue you. Why? Because she was irritated with you not being able to finish this simple mission. Why? Because you were stuck here. Why? Because someone closed the door. Why? It might have been an accident. Why? Because you usually close open doors. Why? Because it is open. Why? Because you opened it. Why? You wanted to get in. Why? Because your comrades were trapped inside. Why? Because they were stuck. Why? The door cannot be opened from the inside. Why? Because it is sealed that why. Why? This tower is cursed. Why? That person probably didn't want the person held here to escape. Why? He is a psycho. Why? He was maddened. Why? His emotions were out of control. Why? He let them out of control. Why? He had no control over them. Why? They were out of control...."

Naruto cut in, "Didn't you already say that? About the emotions?"

"So you were listening..As expected of the moron." Kiba snorted.

"Who're calling moron, you dumbass!!"

"That's what I said, moron!! M-O-R-O-N!" He repeated.

"You... KAGE BUNSHIN NO JU---" Kurenai whacks him on the head.

"Oi, don't fight. Besides, you can't use chakra here." Kurenai chided.

"You can't use chakra here. Why? Because it has been sealed. Why? Because that is the architectural complexual high-tech complicated perplexing huge beautiful prehistoric wonderful design of this tall tower's tiny room at the very top where we are all stuck currently, because we cannot get out, because we cannot use chakra, because we are locked inside this room. Why? I closed the door behind me. Why? ..."

"SHUT UP!!!!" Kakashi screams, then looked around at everyone who was now staring at him, "I can't concentrate.." he snorted.

Suddenly everything seems quiet in the room. Asuma and Kunrenai seated together at a corner, Ino and Sakura at one side gossiping about how hot Sasuke looks, Kiba and Akamaru together at one place, Kakashi, alone, reading 'Icha Icha' Volume 2, Hinata quietly sitting beside Naruto, Shikamaru and Chouji lying on the floor, Shino leaning against the wall, and Sasuke sitting darkly on the bed.

Kiba suddenly speaks up, "Akamaru needs to pee.."

Sakura stared at him weirdly. "Just use the bed. That's where the guy who lived here used for the toilet. He rarely went near it otherwise." She answered and continued talking to Ino.

"What!????" Sasuke stared wide-eyed and shocked at Sakura. Everyone else stopped and looked at what's going on.

"Oh, Sasuke-kun...I.. what I meant was.. erm, the bed, I... no, it wasn't.." She stammered and Akamaru simply jumps onto the bed and pees. Sasuke yowled and leaped off the bed, ran to a corner, sitting, hugged his knees and went into depression. Everyone ignored him, half-disgusted, and continues their work, except for Sakura who grins sheepishly and flushed. Ino smirked at her and put on an evil face.

"Blew it, didn't ya, big-forehead girl"

"WHAT?? You stupid Ino-pig-chan??" And they began arguing.

Back in Konoha

"I should have known.." Tsunade mumbled darkly. "I'm going to kill them when they get back.." she hissed coldly.

"Er, Tsunade-sama, you shouldn't say such things.." Shizune fumbled for words then muttered, "That way, they'd never want to come back.."

"What??"

"Nothing!"

"Is there anyone else left?" Tsunade asked weakly.

"Erm.. no.." Shizune said with hesitation.

"What?!?! Nevermind! We'll get help from Sunagakure."

"Ossu!" Shizune hurried to call the hidden sand village for help.

Gaara, Temari and Kankuro head off on their perilous journey to the accursed tower, unknowing of the curse, and how many idiots were trapped in it...

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Note: sry, we din post soon. We were busy~


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

In the wonderful tower..( or not)

Naruto sits quietly, squinting at Hinata, who quietly sits beside him before some stupidity nerve in his brain snapped and he started singing:

_99 bottles of pop on the wall,_

_99 bottles of pop!_

_Shoot 1 down, turn around,_

_98 bottles of pop on the wall!_

_98 bottles of pop on the wall..._

And so on and so forth. Everyone groans and stares at him pleadingly but he remains oblivious to the growing murderous intent.

"And I thought this was going to be romantic..." Kurenai mumbles.

"At least there's background music," Asuma said encouragingly. Kakashi sighs but ignores.

Meanwhile...

The sand siblings stand in front of the tower looking up, half-amazed at its size, yet intimidated.

"Do we really have to help them?"

"Yes Gaara, we do," Kankuro says seriously then adds, "Because this is a super A-rank mission to save them! There are 3 Jounins, 1 Chuunin, 8 Genins and a dog in there! Don't fear from the height! We shall fight our way to victory!!! Also—"

He was cut off as Temari slaps him.

"Let's go," She said so grimly that even Gaara is scared. Kankuro and Gaara back away slowly. Well, right after that, they followed Temari up the one million stairs—I mean 1001. You saw nothing... or read.

At the top, as Temari was about to knock on the door, Gaara stops her and takes a deep breath, "Here ye, Here ye! Thy wishes to knoweth if thee is trappethed in thee, I mean there."

Temari and Kankuro stare at him weirdly. Sensing an odd feeling, Gaara looks at them and says, "I've read too many fairytales" and goes into depression, hugging his teddy which he had hid in his sand gourd.

"Gaara?" Sasuke called disbelievingly.

"No, it's the mailman," Kankuro said sarcastically. "Of course it's Gaara! Well, it's actually Kankuro now, but you get the point chicken-butt-head."

Hearing that, Sasuke goes into depression.

"Open the door!!!" Naruto calls impatiently.

"That's what we're here for, moron!" Temari answers, using the fan to break down the door. (Big mistake). The wind bounces back and Temari and Kankuro fall off the edge. Gaara, sitting at the corner of the door against the tower wall, safe, was not affected. He watches them dully mumbling, "It's hard to believe that we're related."

Kankuro and Temari climbed back up, exhausted. Seething with irritation, Temari kicks the stupid door only to fall back, and would have, if Kankuro hadn't caught her, in a way that brothers should never do unless Temari was his date. To make things worse, he was grinning. Like an idiot.

"Hey, what the hell're you guys doing, dancing? Open the stupid door!" Ino screamed.

Though Ino had only said that by sheer coincidence, Gaara was petrified.

"AAAAAAAA!!!! Konoha ninjas can see through walls?? Why is this happening to me!!??" Gaara starts crying and hugs his bear even tighter. Temari blushing, pissed off, kicks Kankuro in a place that should not have been kicked. (I'll leave it to your imagination to decide where, though people with more corrupted minds should guess correctly)

"Just turn the stupid knob and push," Shikamaru instructed, again.

Temari steps up and does so. The door opens without resistance. Temari enters the over-crowded room, leaving the door widely enough open that everyone could see Kankuro sprawled on the floor in an undignified manner. Temari reluctantly drags him along.

"Don't close the door!" Asuma cries, almost sounding like a girl. But much expectedly, the door closed. It was Gaara.

"I was almost squashed... That stupid door..." Gaara looks at the door menacingly. "He who tried to kill me will be closed. Get it? Closed? Like, you know, I closed his chapter or something cool like that." He stops, stares and suddenly wails "I'm so lame!!!" and goes into depression.

"What's wrong if we close the door?" Temari asks ignorantly. (Or innocently but considering Temari, not really sure)

Asuma looks at her gravely, as if he was being serious, then says in a comical uncaring way, "Well—Technically the door can only be open from the outside. Logically, we should've been able to get out of here. But then again, logically, all of us shouldn't be able to fit in this tiny room so who cares about logics?"

Temari, with a queasy look on her face, calls out to Gaara, "Hey! Open the door Gaara!"

"No."

Kankuro cries histarically and dramatically (more of dramatic) while yelling, "Why, Gaara? Why? I thought we had something between us??"

"More the reason I don't want to... Stay away from me..._Gay person..."_

"I'll tell you why," Shino begins and everyone suddenly feel like killing Kankuro. "Gaara refuses to open the door. Why? Because _he _closed it. Why? He was being squished. Why? Temari opened the door to free us. Why? She didn't know what lay inside. Why? She doesn't have x-ray vision. Why? God didn't give her x-ray vision. Why? She would've abused her powers to stalk people and look through their clothes or look through walls while people were bathing. Why? She's just wrong. Why? God hates her. Why?" Shino paused. "Why?" His voice was almost a whisper now. "I DON'T KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OH NO!!! I CAN'T GO ON!!! WHY? Because I can't continue. Why? I didn't know why. Why? God hates me. *gasp* God HATES me!! NOOOOO!!!" Shino goes into depression and sits beside Sasuke.

"Well—he _was _going to crack sooner or later. And apparently god decided sooner." Sakura reasoned so she wouldn't be worried about him.

"Vengeance," Gaara suddenly cackled. "I SEEK VENGEANCE TO ALL THOSE WHO TRIED TO SQUISH ME WITH A DOOR. _I mean that's just rude. _You could kill me some other more powerful or crueller way."

Everyone groaned and someone sneezed.

"Bless you," Gaara said in a cute voice. Someone farted.

"Curse you!" Gaara screamed and then began biting his nails. (I pity the people inside—someone _farted_)

Meanwhile in Konoha...

"Those bastards..." Tsunade grumbled, cursing. Suddenly, Team Gai burst into the Hokage's office and Gai screams, "We're back!!! _Hold the applause~" _ Then Tsunade snickered in a menacing way that no one ever knew could be done.

"Think no evil," Shizune shot up suddenly, trying to brighten the atmosphere. Though, poor Team Gai had no idea what was going on or what was going to happen to them. (though_ you_ do!)

"New mission..." Tsunade began.

"Oh no..." Shizune cringed.

"_**Yippie, another mission!!" xD**_

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Hello!! Sorry we never updated so long =P Had school. We still have school though. From now on, we plan on updating this at 2 chapters per week. If we're busy, one chapter. If we're free, then 3!! But usually 2. Haha =D btw, we emphasized the last thing Lee ever said. Muhuhaahahahaha....


	6. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

In the tower...

"Gaara please, let us out," Temari pleaded, as she's been doing for the past hour or so. " I'll give you anything!"

"Anything?"

"Uh..Yeah! I'll even give you a _cookie_," Temari says hopefully.

"_A cookie..?_ I.. really.. want.. a.. cookie... hm.." Temari waits for the answer, praying.

"Nah," Gaara decides and slumps against the wall.

"What? Why? At least let us out.." Temari begged.

"No."

"Why?"

"I'll tell you why," Shino begins. Everyone cringes and looks at Temari evilly. Someone starts crying. "Gaara refuses to let us out. Why? He is selfish. Why? His twisted past made him that way. Why? His daddy hated him. Why? He is a jinchuuriki. Why? Because of his daddy. Why? That stupid guy wanted to make Gaara into a weapon. Why? To protect the village. Why? Because the village was unprotected. Why? He didn't protect it. Why? He didn't bother. Why? He was like Shikamaru. Why? Cuz Kishimoto-sensei made him that way. Why? Kishimoto-sensei hated Gaara and wanted to make his life miserable. Why? Kishimoto-sensei probably felt evil at that time. Why? He was thinking evil things. Why? Humans think evil things, naturally. Why? God made them that way. Why? God had nothing better to do. Why? He was bored. Why? He's immortal. Why? He can't die. Why? His mom made him that way. Why? His mom hated him. Why? God was bored. Why? He's immortal (repeating.) Why—"

"Even _God_ has a mom and I don't?" Naruto cried out. "Well, that's a heart-breaker..."

"Actually..." Gaara begins. "I don't want to let you out because I don't _feel_ like it."

"He's lying," Shino insisted before backing into the shadows.

"Move back as far as you want, Shino, but people can still see you," Shikamaru voiced out.

"Shut up," he replied grimly.

"What the hell!?" Kakashi suddenly cried out. Everyone stares at him. "Julia actually likes him? She pretended not to like him cuz her best friend liked him but in truth, she held strong feelings for him even though she never showed it before. And, he cheats on Judy, (aka best fren) to go out with Julia and then they—"

"Kakashi!" Asuma stopped him harshly.

"What? I was going to say that they went out to the amusement park to have fun and play childish games. Pyon~~ What did _you_ think?" Kakashi smirks at him, even though you can't tell with that stupid mask on.

"Nevermind. I thought nothing..." Asuma blushes.

Kakashi looks around and exclaims, "Temari? Kankuro? What are you two doing here?" He pauses. "Actually, I don't care..." Everyone sighs and goes into depression.

Meanwhile...

"Oh! The tower's so big!" Lee cried out excited.

"Neji," Gai called. "What's happening?"

Neji activates his Byakugan. "I can't see them, my view's obstructed."

"Of course, Idiot! There's a thousand foot tower in front of you!" Gai chided, exasperated. Neji's expression: -_-|||

"Let's just go in," Tenten offered.

"Great idea! You're a genius!" Lee shouted and ran inside. They all stopped and stared in awe at the flight of stairs.

"There's got to be at least a million stairs in here!" Lee says joyfully. Tenten and Neji groan but Gai jumps up and down (both Gai and Lee) dancing happily.

"Let's dash right up there! It's a race! I'm still in my youth Lee, you'll never beat me!" Gai screams and heads off.

"Yes, Sensei! But, I will not lose to you yet!" Lee says tearing, and dashes after him. Neji and Tenten look at each other sadly.

"Guess we got to follow..." Tenten muttered.

"Yeah..." Neji agreed and they started off.

They finally reach the top and the race? It was a draw... Neji and Tenten had been forgotten, apparently.

"Good work, my student! You're constantly improving! You could keep up with me even at that speed!" Gai gleefully shouted.

"Thank you, Gai-sensei!" Lee replies, elated, and they both hug. =P

"Let's do this!" Gai shouts and they both "attack" the door.

Gaara looks at them bewildered. "Huh?"

"**Double Dynamic Entry!!!"** And they bounced right back, falling off the edge along with Neji and Tenten as they had (regretfully) been behind them. Upstairs, Gaara snickered.

They made their way back up the stairs and finally reached the top, Gai and Lee stupidly happy and Neji and Tenten panting and exhausted. Right about now, the ninjas inside already know who it was and lost faith.

"Stupid door! Gai-sensei, what do we do?" Lee asked worriedly.

"Oh, then I guess we have to use more force!!"

"**Nooooooo!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"** Someone from inside cried out. "You stepped on my foot!"

"Sorry!"

Gai and Lee: wth?

"Anyway," Chouji started. "Just turn the knob and push, please don't do anything stupid! I'm hungry..."

"Just turn the knob? But that's just... Too WEAK" Lee exclaimed.

"Then let me do it, idiot," Gaara got up from his corner.

"Ah!! Gaara grew out of the ground!" Lee shrieked. Everyone inside moans.

"I absolutely did not," Gaara snapped and opened the door for them. Everyone inside is shocked as they realised that Gaara is the one who opened the door for them.

"What..?" Temari stuttered. "Why?"

"Why? I'll te—"

"Ah, put a sock in it!" Gaara interrupted, and pushed Team Gai in with his sand.

"Ow!" Gai yelped, getting up. "Alright then! Let's get out of here!" He said that too soon.

"Fufufu..." The door slamed behind them and Gaara's evil laughter rang through their minds.

"That ****," Naruto swears and Sakura bonks him on the head.

"You can't say that!" She screamed.

"Huh? Why?"

"Why? I'll tell you why. You can't say ****. Why? **** is a bad word. Why? Cuz some idiot made it up and gave **** a sick meaning. Why? He was feeling sick. Why? He's just a ****. Why? He's exactly what the word means. Why? He's sick. Why? He's a moron with no life. Why? God forgot to give him a life when he was born. Why? God had short-term memory loss like Dory from Finding Nemo. Why? He was born that way. Why? God's God made him that way. Why? He felt like it. Why? He was bored. Why? He had no life. Why? God's God's God forgot to give him a life. Why? He, too, suffered short-term memory loss like Dory from Finding Nemo. Why? He was born that way. Why? God's God's God's God made him that way. Why? He was bored. Why? He had no life. Why? God's God's God's God's God forgot to give him a life. Why? He also suffered short-term memory loss like Dory from—"

"Please, please! Just Shut up!" Kurenai begged. "You've reduced me to begging!"

"I _so_ regret saying it..." Naruto muttered. Neji and Tenten winced. Neji went to sit beside Hinata and Tenten joined Ino and Sakura.

"Hey Hinata-sama," Neji called. "I'm sorry you have to go through this. I suffer your pain now. I promise I'll get you out... somehow...if I don't die first..." Neji went into depression.

"Onii-san..erm.. are you okay?" No reply.

Meanwhile in Konoha...

"God... I don't freaking care anymore!! Just let them die!!" Tsunade screamed.

"But.. we're lacking ninjas now..." Shizune says.

"What the hell do ya want me to do? Send the ANBU after them?? That's it! _I give up!_ If they come back, they come. If not, they can all _rot_ in that stinking tower and **die for all I care!** Nope!! I don't care one single _teensy weensy_ little bit!" Tsunade screams.

Shizune's expression: 0-o||| _She's finally lost it..._

Meanwhile, somewhere on Earth...

"Hm, I heard that the Kyuubi and Ichibi are in a certain tower in the Tower Country."

"Oh! Jackpot~ We could take them _both!" _

"Ah, but. There're so many towers."

"Really? Then how do we find them?"

"Well, this one's accursed, they say."

"I see. SWEET. Let's go get'em!"

"Right..."

**The Mangekyou Sharingan activates as the member of Akatsuki stands, preparing for the flight. Beside him, the Samehade screams in excitement to be unleashed upon its enemy. This dangerous pair are headed for The Accursed Tower? What is to be of Gaara and Naruto's fate? **_(R.I.P. Naruto and Gaara)_

------------------------------------------------END----------------------------------------------------------

Note: =D Akatsuki!~~ ^^ _Finally... _


	7. Chapter 6

Chapter 6 

In the accursed tower, in the accursed room, of the accursed country of towers, of the accursed world, there once lived..... Little red riding hood! I mean, erm.. I lost my point.. Where was I? Ah, yes. In the accursed tower, in the accurs—_Whack!_

Ow!! Who the hell are you? Why did you—_WHACK_

"Just shut up already geez..." Itachi snaps.

_Gasp!_ It's Itachi! OMG. I'm like, **your number 1 fan!!! **

"..."

--- Important announcement. The real storyteller has just been found, locked up in the janitor's closet. The one who is now narrating is a stupid annoying Itachi fangirl. I'm so sorry for the inconvenience caused, _really I am._ It's so damn annoying. *Ah-hm* Please carry on with life in an orderly manner while we get things sorted out thank-you. ---

Ah-hm. Itachi and Kisame were walking through the ridiculously large and annoying amount of almost identical but not so identical towers in the ridiculously large and annoying Tower Country.

Meanwhile...

Naruto, Hinata and Neji sat side by side in one side of the tower _quietly,_ *oddly*, Sakura, Ino, Tenten and Temari in another corner, gossiping about... –I'm sorry this story is only rated K+ thus I cannot reveal this.— Sasuke!! *bleh* Shikamaru and Chouji are staring out the window looking at the fluffy white cute misshapen clouds drift by. Shino is standing some paces away from the door, half hidden in the shadows, trying to look cool but fails miserably. Sasuke is in another corner, still depressed, since the very first chapter ever since he sat on the soiled bed. Kiba and Akamaru are hiding under the bed doing... –I'm sorry, once again, I cannot reveal this because this story is only rated K+ and thus I cannot reveal this. Sorry for the inconvenience caused.—_Just kidding _

Kankuro is sprawled on the middle of the floor on the red carpet in a most undignified manner, still "injured" from the "Last Resort" attack by the illustrious Temari. _It's healing pretty well though..._ Gaara is still outside, _guarding _ the door, or just sitting there to piss everyone off because he refuses to let them out. =D

Lee and Gai are meditating, or so they claim "training" their minds. _Yeah right..._ Asuma and Kurenai are standing together under the romantic yet not so romantic moonlight, trying to enjoy each other's presence even though it was the middle of the afternoon. Last but not least, our friend or not quite our friend Kakashi is reading Icha Icha. _How many volumes did he bring..? _

At the bottom of the accursed yet not so accursed tower, wait. It _is_ accursed... Kindly disregard what I just said. Where was I? Ah, yes.. At the bottom of the accursed yet accursed tower, (notice how I didn't say _not_ so accursed tower, awesome aren't I?), Itachi and Kisame stare at the unbelievably large gap where the door should have been since Kakashi had destroyed it in the first chapter, (you should check).

Kismae and Itachi ran up the 1001 stairs and finally reached the top, Itachi standing there quietly, trying to look cool yet it many ways wasn't, and Kisame panting heavily due to the oversized butterknife he carries on his back. Most preferably a cheese grater since the idiot himself said it does not slice, but grates, in one of the many insignificant chapters of Naruto Shippuden.

"Fee, Fy Foe, Fum! I smell something fishy! Er.. yum! Fishyum! Ooh! Fishy + Yum! Yum... I suddenly feel the urge for sushi."

"Wth..." Kisame twitches and stares at the kid seated at the door. "I am not edible." He growled.

"Right... Whatever. Hi! I'm Gaara! The giant! Yet not so Giant..." Gaara says randomly. All this while Itachi who is still quiet begins speaking.

"You're Gaara of the sand... The Ichibi," Itachi said darkly.

"Wow, you know a lot about me! Do you have a crush on me?" Gaara.. says/ screams/ shouts/ laughs/ whatever. We're running out of words here.

Shocked and slightly embarrassed at the very awkward and weird, stunning question, Itachi quickly regains his composture and replies, "Erm.. Depends on your answer?" in a very hopeful tone.

From inside the room, Sasuke hears the conversation between his brother and Gaara. He then realizes that Itachi has a crush on Gaara and thus should capture Gaara and use him as hostage to bring Itachi to his knees. It's brilliant... Brilliant! Somewhere, the same crow that Naruto saw in Chapter one crows "Ahou, ahou."

Kisame whacks Itachi with the Samehada and Itachi bangs onto the door, which magically bounces him back and then they both fall off the edge.

"Er..." Gaara looks down before deciding not to care. "So... Itachi likes me..."

They climb back all the way up. Itachi, with a sorrowful face walks up to Gaara. "Sorry, sudden outburst of randomness. You may have heard of them they're called stupidity fits. Its influential. I caught them from Sasuke."

"Hey, I heard that!" (guess who)

"Nah, it's okay. I was going to reject you anyway."

"... Anyway..." Kisame pipes up before anything else completely out of ordinary occurs and asks Gaara, "Are you the Ichibi?"

"Why, yes. Yes I am."

"Ah, then..." Kisame begins, only to be interrupted by Itachi's another fit of randomness.

"You rejected _me_..?" Itachi begins. Kisame's and Gaara's expression: 0-o||| "Ah! Sorry, I mean... I've been thinking about it and... I really _do_ like you... Ah crap!! Damn it! Shut up Uchiha Itachi! Control yourself! Why am I talking in third-person's speech? Damn, damn damn!! Keh... I'm okay now... For me to crap so much... My Sasuke radar sensor must be tingling, that means, Sasuke must be close! _Gasp_"

Someone from inside yells, "Closer than you think!"

"Who said that?" Itachi screams, and starts biting his fingernails, trembling. "What if it's.... my dead girlfriend coming back to haunt me... If it is then... I'M SO SORRY!!!! *cry* THE HOKAGE ORDERED ME TO DO IT. I DIDN'T HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH IT!!!"

"Anyway..." Kisame interrupts, but is interrupted by Gaara.

"_That_ was completely out of character..." Gaara says.

"Yeah... Weird... Hey! Stop distracting me! If you're here, then where's the Kyuubi?" Kisame yells.

"Oh I'll tell you where it is..."

"Hey! I'm not an 'it'!" Naruto yells from the inside.

"Whatever. Heard that, Sushi-san? He's inside. Here, let me show you... *snicker the same way that Tsunade did in Chapter four*" Gaara got up and opened the door. Kisame peeped and turned back to Gaara.

"Thanks and by the way, _don't_ call me that. I'm not Sushi. And never will be," Kisame muttered.

"Yeah, we'll see." Gaara replies and kicks both Itachi and Kisame inside, closing the door behind them.

"Ow!" Itachi yells, rubbing his butt, getting up, infuriated. "Why the hell did you do that!?"

"Why? I'll tell you why..." Shino begins. Everyone groans, except for the two Akatsuki members who don't know what's going on. "Gaara kicked you in and closed the door. Why? He wanted you to get stuck inside with the rest of us. Why? He felt like it. Why? He was bored. Why? He had nothing better to do. Why? He's stuck outside all alone. Why? Because, he kicked us all in. Why? He felt like it. Why? He was bored. Why? He had nothing better to do."

" Didn't you already say that?" Itachi interrupted.

Kisame looked at him scornfully, "You were actually paying attention?"

"Dumbass," Sasuke called.

"What the hell did you say, punk?" Itachi snapped.

"I knew you were blind, I never thought you were deaf too...geez"

"Want a face full of fist?"

"Want a butt full of foot?"

"Bring it on brat!"

"Bring it on old man!"

"COULD YOU JUST SHUT UP!!!" Kakashi screams. Everyone stares at him, but Itachi and Sasuke ignore him.

Itachi calls, "Want a piece of me, Sasuke!?"

"No, I want the whole thing, cloud boy!!" And with that, they pounce on each other.

"This is... awkward..." Kisame mutters... Everyone is depressed.

Somewhere else on Earth...

"Hey, did you hear?"

"Yeah?"

"There are _two_ Jinchuuriki in the Accursed Tower of the Tower Country!"

"Then, let's go, hmm!"

"We'll catch them both!"

"And show off, hmm!"

"And be proud!"

"And pluck flowers, hmm!"

"Erm... no flowers, Deidara..."

"Okay, but we'll do the rest, hmm."

"Yeah."

"MUHUHAHAHAHAHA... hmm.."

"Erm... don't _ever_ laugh again."

"Kays, hmm"

"Stop saying "hmm" at the end of everything you say!! It's so annoying."

"Can't do that, hmm! I speak that way, hmm! Deal with it, hmm!"

"Damn it.... _Why_ me?"

In the tower...

"Somewhere on Earth, someone asked why... Must answer..." Shino begins. "My 'why' senses tingling..." Everyone groans...

--------------------------------------------------END--------------------------------------------------------

Note: =D Next victims, Sasori and Deidara!! Muhuhahahaha. Btw, we laugh way better than Deidara. =D


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"I believe I can fly, hmm!!!!!-----OW" Deidara cried as his clay bird hit one of the many towers.

"Can't you drive this thing properly?" Sasori snapped, jerking in his seat.

"It's not as easy as it looks, hmm!!"

"Pft. Just get going." And so, Deidara crashes into nearly every tower they come across while searching for the accursed one. Then, Deidara pulls the bird-o-plane up as to get a better view of the towers, while being right above the accursed tower.

"Which darn tower is it, hmm??" He said irritated.

"Like I should know?"

From inside the tower...

"Do you hear something?" Kakashi piped up, looking up from his book, squinting at the two Uchihas 'battling' very noisily.

"WHY?? Why did you do it Itachi?? HOW COULD YOU?"

"Why?" Shino echoed. "Why, you say... **Because!** He was mad. Itachi was driven to madness. Why? Cuz he was forced to choose between Konoha and his family. Why? Cuz his Dad was an ambitious moonstruck Looney who hated Konoha. Why? He had a problem. Why? He was stressed. Why? He was forced to marry Sasuke's mom instead of his girlfriend. Why? Cuz his girlfriend was Madara's wife. Why? I just like adding twists to the story. Why? It would be boring to tell the truth. Why? It's being honest. Why? Cuz it's telling the truth! Why..."

"But I only pinched him..." Itachi interrupted (again) ruefully.

"Only?? It hurts!!" Sasuke wailed. Suddenly all of the Sasuke Fan club (consisting of Ino, Sakura, Temari and Tenten.) went "kya!", staring at Sasuke with goo goo eyes.

And at the same time, they all screamed, "We'll kiss it better Sasuke-kun!!"

"Hey, but Sasuke _bit_ my..!!" Itachi began to protest. Everyone stared, flabbergasted, dumbfounded, shocked and bombasticated(We know there's no such word).

~Silence~

"I was gonna say hand.." Itachi finished and everyone let out a sigh of relief.

Above the tower...

Deidara and Sasori hovered about, looking for the right tower, when they heard the girls from inside the accursed tower scream, "We'll kiss it better!!" They stopped abruptly.

"That sounded wrong..." Sasori said in a small voice.

"I know, hmm... but at least now we know where they might be, hmm." Deidara tried to stay positive.

"Are you sure its safe?"

"We'll die trying, hmm!"

"..but I don't wanna die.." Sasori winces.

"Neither do I, hmm. I said that for a dramatic effect hmm."

Then Sasori got an idea. "I bet everyone entered through the front door. Let's enter from the window!!"

"You're a genius, hmm!!" Deidara brought down his bird-o-plane eye level to the window and they both peered inside.

"Hello, hmm?" At once, everyone inside stopped what they were doing and looked at Deidara.

"Hello," Kakashi echoed without the "hmm" and stared blankly.

"Ah!! It's the Kyuubi, hmm!"

"Why are there so many ninjas in there?" Sasori asked intimidated.

"Why, you say," Shino started. "I'll tell you why. We're stuck because the door can only be opened from the outside. Why? Some idiotic architect had no life and decided to design so many freaking towers. Why? This country lacked towers. Why? It was barren. Why? It had no towers. Why? No one bothered to build any. Why? It was too troublesome. Why? It was so big. Why? Cuz towers are usually big and inescapable. Why? Some idiot made sure that towers were a place of imprisonments. Why? Princesses that were kidnapped just were too snobby to stay in the dungeon or jail. Why? They were so proud. Why? They were spoilt. Why? They were rich and always got what they wanted. Why? They had money. Why? Their dad gave them money. Why? The dad had money. Why? He over-taxed the people. Why? He needed money. Why? To give it to the princesses. Why? The princesses wanted money. Why? To spend it. Why? Money is supposed to be spent. Why? Cuz there's usually stuff to spend it on. Why? Cuz there is money. Why? People created money. Why? There MUST be trade. Why? Cuz people want other people's stuff. Why? They don't have that stuff. Wh-" Shino fainted. Why? I dunno.

"Must've had too much blood rushing to that fat head of his.." Shikamaru stated bluntly.

"At least he shut up," Itachi pointed out.

"Itachi, hmm? You're here too, hmm?" Deidara smirked. "And I actually thought you were elite, hmm. My bad, My bad, hmm! I really hope you don't get out, hmm."

"_Bleh bleh bleh. _Look who's talking, bastard. Just mind your own business and that giant lump of poo you call art," Itachi snapped.

"Poo. Haha. He said poo," Sasori chuckled.

"Can I grate it for you?" xD Kisame begged. "Pwease? =3"

"How out of character..." Naruto commented. "Must be the claustrophobia acting."

"Wow, you actually know what the five syllabled word means, dimwit," Sasuke chipped in.

"Bleh. =p" Naruto sulked. "You're one to talk, chicken-butt-head." And they both start arguing again.

"Sasori, who's side are you on, hmm?" Deidara says irritably.

"Not his, but definitely not yours."

"So even he hates you," Itachi retorted. Kakashi suddenly stops reading and looks at Deidara.

"Hey Deidara. Itachi called your picturesque, most wonderful and amazing art a load of poo. You're okay with that? Don't you want to _**come in**_ and settle things by kicking his ass like a man? To **prove to all Naruto fans that you're a guy** and not just some whacked up Barbie doll?" Kakashi tempted.

"Are you praising or insulting me, hmm?" Deidara's face  -.-||| "Besides, I won't fall for that kind of cheap trick, hmm. I definitely won't come in, hmm. And for all the idiots out there that think I'm a girl, hmm, they're just probably gay, hmm, and think I'm beautiful, hmm. My art.. IS A BANG. Hmm."

Itachi camly walks forward up to the window, (shoving and pushing through the crowd), and stares right into Deidara's face, slightly leaned over.

Deidara says, intimidated, "Your stupid _Mangekyou Sharingan _won't work on me, hmm. And if it's not that, hmm, please don't try to kiss me, hmm, you're not my type, hmm. I don't know what you're trying to pull, hmm, and your breath stinks, hmm."

"Then SMELL IT," Itachi blows in his face.

Someone yells: "Ya, he's Gaara's type"

"I HEARD THAT," Gaara yells from outside. "That STUPID conjunctivitis-infested freak is NOT my type!"

"I'm.. insulted.." Sasuke mutters.  Sasuke also has 'conjunctivitis'

"No matter!!" Itachi stated. "I don't need to activate the _Mangekyou_ for the likes of you, Deiblablah."

"Well then Itapee, stay away from my face, hmm, unless you have something up your sleeve, hmm?"

Sasuke: "lol Itapee"

At this, Sasuke's fangirls: (chanting) ITAPEE ITAPEE ITAPEE

0-o|||

At once, in a most dignified matter, Itapee, I mean Itachi replies, "Why yes, yes I do. I keep balloons in there. Look." He lifts his sleeve.

"I dunno, hmm, all I see is armpit hair, hmm!"

"Well, I forgive you because you only have one eye, since the other was poked by an angry old hag that you were stalking."

"Oh yeah, hmm!?"

"Yeah, _HMM_!!"

"Stop copying my wonderful accent, hmm," Deidara says angrily.

"Stop sidetracking me. Anyway, I might as well get on with this," Itachi announces loudly.

"?"

Itachi suddenly starts poking Deidara in the belly, "_Tickle, tickle tickle_ x3"

"Bwahahahahahhahaha, hmm, hahahahhaha, STOPPIT, hmm, hahahahahah----- AH" As Deidara laughs in oddly, he loses balance, Itachi steps aside, and Deidara falls into the room, hugging his bird-o-plane and because of that, Sasori falls along with him.

"$^%*(&^(%^(%$&$! YOU BASTARD ITACHI, hmm!!" Deidara screams, vexed.

"$^%*(&^(%^(%$&$! YOU BASTARD Deidara!! Why the poopoo did you drag me in??" Sasori screams, irked

"$^%*(&^(%^(%$&$! YOU BASTARDS DEIDARA, ITACHI AND SASORI!!! Why the %$$ %&^$^% did you %$&%$ &%^$ %$&%$ fall on $#^&$# me?? ^%#$$#^%$#^$#&%&&^$(*&^$(*&^$#)&^)$#&^#)&^)&^#&^)&^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" **HINATA** screams in rage, exasperation, and indignation, as if she were a cat rubbed the wrong way.

Everyone is abashed, flabbergasted, astounded, bewildered, shocked, bombasticated(our fav. Word: Used agn!! xD) , agaped, startled, awestruck, thunder-struck, stupefied and shockified(new word of the day =P ).

"Hinata.." Kurenai began, loss for words.

"I-i-i I'm S-s-s-s-sor-sor-so-sorry.... I-i I j-j-just, w-w-wa-wa-wa-wass.. a-a-a-an-n-an-an-an—"

"AN AN AN AN AN AN AN," Akamaru starts yelping. Kiba cuffs him to shut up and finishes, "Annoyed?"

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-ye-ye-ye-ye-yesss...." Hinata agrees.

"WHOA!! NICE, HINATA. YOU ARE SO AWESOME xDD," Naruto shouts excited. "Say it again!! Come on, say it with me, $^%*(&^(%^(%$&$. $^%*(&^(%^(%$&$!! $^%*(&^(%^(%$&$!!!"

"N-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-n-na-na-na-naru—" Hinata began, blushing.

"NARUTO," Temari finishes, absolutely irritated.

"-K-k-k-k-k-ku-ku-kun." Hinata completed.

"What the potatoes, you potty-mouthed bastard!!" Sakura yells and knocks Naruto on the head.

"OWW!! Sakura-Chan!! T_T" Naruto whines.

"Uh..." Sasori stares aimlessly.

"Uh-hmm..." Deidara is lost for words.

"Wow, she's hot," Itachi says giddily. Sasuke stares at Itachi with disgust.

"Hinata... I wonder if I should warn her about my idiot-of-a-brother..." Sasuke hesitates.

"What? My HOT girlfriend is dead,  cuz I killed her  and I'm kinda available, and so is she. Na-na naruto-kuun is too much of an idiot to notice so I'M TAKING THE CHANCE. OH YEAH."

"Uhh..." Sasuke is.. wishing that they weren't related.

Kisame comes over and whacks Itachi on the head with his Samehada really hard and stares with his fishy fish eyes. =D

Itachi gets up, craning his neck, regaining his composture. "Yeah, thanks I needed that. My stupid Sasuke sensing radar must be cracking by now. OVERWHELMED. Stupidity fits are returning."

"That was irrelevant, Itapee, I mean, Itachi," Sasuke says, exasperated.

"WHY, hmm? WHY hmm me hmm?? WHY hmm am hmm I hmm stuck hmm with hmm these hmm bastards hmm too hmm!????" Deidara hmmed before hyperventilating.

"Calm down, _hmm_," Sasori pats him on the back before realising.... "I SAID HMM. AHHH IT'S CONTAGEOUS. NOOOOOOOOO!!! GET ME OUTTA HERE" Runs to, and starts banging on door like a maniac.

Due to the chakra sucking thinggie of the accursed tower, the bird-o-plane starts melting. (??)

"NOOOO! HmM!! My precious art, hmm!! It's _**Meiltiing!!**_" Deidara cries.

"Geez, relax, you can make more with your poo," Gaara yells from outside, unable to bear the howling. "Besides, you're going to be in there for a long. Long. Long. Long. Long. I lost my point. Ah, Time."

"Good thing I brought my ipod.." Kakashi mutters to himself, enjoying the music that is surprisingly louder than all else. ( If disturbed, HE WILL POKE. )

Meanwhile in Konoha...

BANG. ...

BANG. ...

BANG. ...

"Tsunade-sama, please stop hitting your head on that stupid piece of paper  which just happens to say "BANG HEAD HERE". You might give yourself a concussion," Shizune winces.

Meanwhile, somewhere near a bank...

"Lalala.."

"Stop singing, Hidan. It's annoying."

"I'm bored. So I will sing. I LOVE JASHIN I LOVE JASHIN I LOVE JASHIN "

"Oh for the love of—wait... I heard that the Ichibi and Kyuubi are stuck. Trapped. Somewhere. In. A. Tower."

"Why. Are. You. Talking. Like. This."

"Sorry, it was for the suspense. Anyway, I'm done depositing money so let's go!!"

"Fine, fine... "

"No humming either."

"Blah blah blah =p "

"..."

**Who are the dark pair that head towards the accursed tower? **

**Zabuza and Haku**

**Banana and apple**

**Tsunade and Shizune**

**Iruka and his pet dolphin**

**Pakkun and Gamakuchi**

**Gamakuchi and Gamatatsu**

**HIDAN AND KAKUZU******

**Tom and Jerry**

**Shaggy and Scooby**

**If you're still reading, you're wasting your time.**

**Will they finally uncurse the curse of the accursed tower? Or will Hidan, I mean [unknown substance **_**x**_**] sing Kakuzu, I mean [Kapoopoo] to death before they make it? Or will there be too many toilet breaks that they'll only arrive in Chapter NINE? Find out. Eventually.**

------------------------------------------------END----------------------------------------------------------

Note: Finally. Sorry for late release and eternal hiatus. We used a dictionary in this one xD

(we call dictionary the Dickman ) fun fun fun...


	9. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

Umm… Hello. Due to certain circumstances, we've decided to abandon this story. As you may have heard, the world is going to end in 2012. We might die before that too. A meteorite might crash and this computer might get vapourised by cow-napping aliens which could have been living on the meteorite and I-I just wanted to ---- BONK!

Ah-hm… Anyway, in the tower country, there were many towers. However, there was only one tower which was accursed and that is the tower in which most of the doltish characters of the wonderful manga called NARUTO were trapped.

Two brave warriors set off on the most dangerous, impregnable, parlous, treacherous, perilous, jeopardous, hazardous journey of their lives. However the adjective "brave" does not suit them.

Let's look at exhibit A:

"Stoppit, Stoppit, Stoppit, Stoppit!!! It's so annoying!" Kakuzu

"But I've only been singing for about three seconds when you suddenly went quiet and all emo before yelling at me…"

"I WILL NOT LET THIS GO YOU DISPICABLE CREEP"

"Let what go?"

"What are you talking about?"

"I dunno. You were saying something and then…"

"And then?"

"I dunno."

"Okay… Hidan."

"Yes?"

"Let us never speak of this again."

"Why?"

And somewhere in the tower country… "WHY? Someone. Said. Why. Must. Answer. LET ME GO!!"

"If I do you'd jump out the window, Shino, this is for your own good," came Kiba's reply which blatently lacked concern despite pinning him to the floor.

Exhibit B: The most demented of souls are the souls that know that no matter what, god has no intention of letting them die.

"Kakuzu… Go on without me… I don't think I can go on much longer…"

"What? Hidan! Y-you can't!"

"But alas, I have been dehydrated of my necessary fluids to keep my oral organ uncracking and salivating. I can't go on. I wanna die. Please. If you love me, you'd let me go."

"…"

"I'm sorry, not even your dots can stop me now. Jashin-sama has finally called me to his side…"

"Did my heart love till now?"

"Huh? I'm sorry, did my ears work till now?"

"Forswear it, sight!"

"Who the Jashin mooncakes is sight? Are you okay?"

"For I ne'er saw true beauty till this night.."

Hidan checks his watch. "er.."

"Please, don't rip me to pieces with thy fell and cruel hounds…"

"Hey are you a fan of Shakesphere by any chance?"

"But, if thou wishes.. I'll tell thee a secret, despite sworn upon secrecy."

"Dude, speak ENGLISH."

"English, you say?"

"YES."

"But alas, I speak nothing but the purest of Japanese~"

"…Yeah, kay, anything but that olde nonsense."

"I think there's a convenient store nearby; wanna go grab soda?"

"SWEET! Mumbles: Jashin-sama, I'm sorry, I don't think it'll work out. Another time maybe."

"Are you talking to yourself?"

"Uh, nothing. Let's go."

"Finally.."

--

No more case-studies. We could go on forever so…

"Yay! We're here."

"Yes, Hidan, and I told you to stop saying yay. WE ARE CRIMINALS. Evil people. We don't say yay. We say, Rumplestiltskin."

"Dude, I can't even pronounce that."

"And stop saying dude!! We are not some American surfer dude."

"You just said dude."

"AHH It's contagious!!!"

"Uh… I wish I didn't know you"

Both entered the huge gap in the tower, supposedly the entrance, and stared at the long flight of stairs.

"So, Kakuzu, do we really have to climb this never-ending stairs of utter exasperation?"

"Yes, Hidan. We have to. It's the only way to get to the jinchuuriki"

"Carry me, if thou be man."

"Stop copying me. Only I shalt be allowed to speak as such."

"So, will you carry me?"

"No."

They started to climb the stairs and all this while, Hidan has been begging and pleading Kakuzu to carry him. When they reached the final floor, Gaara was standing at the last step looking down on them.

"So, you were the ones making such a ruckus, waking my teddy from his little nap."

"The ichibi. I knew you were here all along. Trying to hide from us, eh?"

"Well, since you found me, I suppose it's my turn to seek. Go on, hide in the room behind me before I finish counting."

"OKAY!" Hidan rushed into the room closing the door behind him.

"What the hell are you doing Hidan? Come back here. This is obviously a trick to get us in to that room for some reason."

The ninjas inside the room were astonished at Hidan entering the room frantically and closing the door.

"Uhh.. Hidan? What are you do--" Deidara was interrupted.

"Shh… We're playing hide-and-seek. Don't tell Gaara where I am."

Expression of all the ninjas in the room: O.o|||

"You can fool Hidan, but you can't fool me. " Kakuzu snickered as he got himself ready to attack Gaara.

"Oh, did I forget to mention, I found a chest full of money inside there too." Gaara added emotionlessly.

Hearing that, Kakuzu immediately rushed in the room too, closing the door behind him.

"Where is it? Where's the chest?" Kakuzu asked excitedly.

"It's on the bed" Sasuke smirked.

"Yeah right. I don't see anything on the bed." Hidan snorted.

"It's inside the bed." Shikamaru pointed out.

Kakuzu removed the mattress off the bed and was astonished to find a pile of poop inside.

"What's this load of crap?" Kakuzu asked annoyed.

"It's exactly what you said" Chouji pointed out.

"What?" Kakuzu whined, reeling in disgust. Ino walked over in a most dignified manner and calmly tripped him.

"Oops. My bad." Ino sighed.

Kakuzu fell onto the pile of poop and almost immediately everyone stood back, trying to get away from him. Someone threw the mattress over him.

"Ahh! EWWEWWEWW" Kakuzu wailed and Sasuke diligently took it upon himself to sit on the bed.

"GET OFF! GET OFF! AHH!!" Kakuzu yelled.

Suddenly, Kakashi took off his earphones in a cool manner and walked towards the bed calmly. Seeing this, Sasuke immediately got off and stepped aside. The mattress flung over as Kakuzu freed himself. He looked at Kakashi and gulped. [efx: scaryface]

"Were you the one shouting?" Kakashi asked emotionlessly.

"Yes, but Sasuke started it!" Kakuzu shouted.

"I started it? Ino pushed you in!"

"Ah, Sasuke-kun, I didn't push, he tripped!" Inu stammered, not wanting to destroy the very little 'bond' they had between them if you could call it nonetheless pathetic. And the three started squabbling.

Kakashi cracked his knuckles. "So, which one of you wants to die first?" cold eyes

What happened next I cannot tell you but after Kakashi did whatever he did, Kakuzu, Ino and Sasuke sat in a corner sulking in depression, and the room went silent as Kakashi returned to reading his favourite book and listening to his ipod.

Gaara sensed something all of a sudden that sent cold chills down his spine. "Ah, there was a concentration of evil just now… oh well."

Meanwhile in Konoha…

"Hey, wanna see my mushroom collection?" Tsunade asked suddenly.

"Since when did you have a mushroom collection?" Shizune asked with a quizzical look on her face.

"Since most of the main characters decided to go somewhere and never come back, I decided I'd get a hobby while waiting for them to (probably never) come back."

"Ah.."

Meanwhile somewhere else on earth..

Zetsu was fertilizing himself when all of a sudden, "Hey, I heard something from thetalkingtree-onii-san," the white half said.

"Who in the dogpoop is thetalkingtree?" the black one asked.

"Who cares. I heard the Ichibi and kyuubi were in a tower in a country which is filled with towers. We can go capture them!!"

"So, if this country's filled with towers then how do we know which tower they're in?"

"We shall use something that most people don't have. Something special. Something unique to only you and me. Something that only we can do. Something called the mental distillation of thetalkingtree, otherwise known as, fart radar."

"I, um.. Nevermind.. As long as we get there."

"But, Blackey, do you really not care about our special fart radar?"

"No, I suppose not. And please don't say 'our'."

"Blackey, you're drifting away from me! (melodramatic sobs here)"

"No, 'Whitey', it's probably impossible to 'drift' from each other. We're stuck together like hotdogs and ketchup."

"Your use of similies irk me, Blackey, please never do that again."

"Fine, WhiNey, let's go."

"I do NOT whine."

"Okay, okay."

-------------------------------------------------------END---------------------------------------------

Note: Done. Will update as 'soon' as possible. Eventually.

Soon=when we feel like it/whenever./maybe.


	10. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

One fine day

In the land of far, far away

Where magnificent leaves

Brush with the breeze

There was a hokage

Her name was Tsunade

Alas, she was pissed

For all her ninjas were missed

Her firstmaid Shizune by her side

All the hokage's idiocy did she bide

The only one sane

Despite efforts in vain

Meanwhile in the accursed tower

At an unequivocal hour

Assassins wasted their time

Just as I, finding meaningless words to rhyme

Innocently did Hidan mention

The 'why' word as a question

His being guileless

Caused everyone unbalance

"Why, oh dear,

Are we stuck here?"

And the Lucifer replied

All that ran in his mind

"Why? Do you say?

I shall answer if I may"

Everyone was indulged in exasperation

Oh why, did that bastard start up this abomination?

"Stuck here, are you

Your friend covered in poo

Due to your ignorance!

Dang it, Langerhans!

Is what you're contrived to say

And we struggle, to keep your tongue at bay

Why? You may ask

Let me fill you in on the task

You are a potty mouth

Nothing but a trout

You reap what you sow

Like an arrow on a bow

You have a lawn to mow

You better go

But alas, you can't! (can't:American pronounciation)

Because you have no pants!

They're covered in ants

Look at me rant

I—"

"SHUT UP!" Gaara cried

Or almost whined.

"You're making me sick,

I can't hear myself think!"

"URGHHH" He reeled in disgust. "Why are you dolts talking like that? It's SO vexing. STOP RHYMING"

"But alas its not our faultebbayo

It's the author who's at … fault…te..bbayo.."

"Naruto, you bastard you ruined it!" Sakura screamed tumultuously.

"What's there to ruin? IT WAS _CRAP_." Gaara clamored.

"Well you have no taste," Sakura stated. With that Gaara sat there like a demented being mumbling swears and horrible words that should never be mentioned nor heard.

"Ha," the demented one laughs sarcastically. "_I_ have no taste??"

…

"Wait!! Why AM I _THE DEMENTED ONE_??" Gaara screamed outraged insulted.

"What's all the brouhaha about?" Whitey asked, as Zetsu reaches the top of the implausible stairs.

"Hey! Dolt! We're supposed to speak in rhymy-rhymy! We even got paid!" Blacky chided.

"Y-you got paid..??" Gaara asked unbelievingly.

"Yeah but we killed the guy who paid us, hehe." Whitey stated.

"Oh yeah."

"PAID?? WHERE'S MY SHARE??" Kakuzu snapped out of his depression from chapter 8 and screamed in desperation.

"Kakuzu's in there??" Zetsu asked, intimidated.

"Everybody who's anybody is in there. Nobody who's nobody don't know nothing about no place that everybody who's anybody knows about. You're blatantly nobodys who don't know anything. You should just leave." Gaara said in one breath with his skill of grammar and confusing people.

"We're not nobodys!" Zetsu rebuked.

"Uh-oh.." Kisame said despairingly.

"We WILL go in there!" Whitey stated.

"Yeah! Watch us!" Blackey followed.

"With pleasure.." Gaara muttered sinisterly, shoving so they could pass. Opening the door with great hauteur, the Zetsu strutted in with everyone eyeing them pathetically.

Only then had everyone realized that Zetsu had slammed the door behind him.

"Ah."

"YOU BASTARD YOU CLOSED THE DOOR!!" Itachi cried.

"Fine! Dunno what you're upset about, I'll just open it." Zetsu snorted. _Click_

"… um.. it's locked." Zetsu said emotionlessly.

"YOU THINK??" Ino shouted.

"Oh. I get it.." Blackey started.

"We're all stuck in here aren't we…?"

Everyone huddles in depression; excluding Kakuzu who still smelled like poo.

"At least we're somebody.." Whitey pointed out.

'Shut up."

And that, be the tale, that thou did hear, of the loonies who tried to jump over the moon.

Meanwhile in Konoha

"Why do the authors even bother making me say anything?"

Meanwhile in Amegakure…

"Why do I feel so empty?" Pain asked in a very emo manner.

"Maybe because we haven't got any SMSes from any of our members for some time..?" Konan offered.

Just then, Pain received an SMS.

"It says that I need to top up my prepaid."

"Again?"

"Why do I even have a phone?"

Just then, his phone disappeared.

"Now I am officially depressed." Pain said sadly.

"There, there. Let's go find our friends! :) Thetalkingtree-oniisan from chapter 8 might help us. Then we can all have tea parties like you wanted."

"Yay! Okay! :)"

Who are the evil evil duo? _Who?_ What are they up to? _What?_ How will they find their friends? _How? _ Urgh! Shut up italic fonted random idiot! Stop echoing me!!

----------------------------------------------------END-----------------------------------------------------

Note: Bleh


	11. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

_The great leader of Akatsuki makes his move! _

"How long has it been?" Pain asks.

Konan stops. "Since your phone disappeared or since we left? Or is it since the others left?"

"So many questions... Why? Why must I be put through this pain? No one understands.. true pain.."

Konan ignores him. "I think that's the one."

Pain looks up from his melodramatic depression. "How can you tell? There are so many of these stupid towers here. Which genius came up with the idea of a Tower Country anyway? After this, I'm going to conquer it."

"Oh, come on, it's unique, better than naming all the countries after something related to nature like fire, sand, rice and whatever. And that specific tower is the one. It has blinking neon lights that say "This is the one!"."

The both of them stare at that tower for a while.

Pain breaks the silence, "come to think of it, there are more useless neon signs. But since they are helpful in distinguishing which is _the one_, they shall be put on my wall of fame later. Now, let's make a special entrance. Something magnificent for this special chapter, something special, that specializes us-!"

"Stop saying special," Konan butts in. "And 'specializes' doesn't really fit the context there. You're ruining the word by overusing it."

"You're horrible to me.. See? This is why it never worked out," Pain whines.

"What are you talking about?" Konan looks at him puzzled. "Anyway, let's get going, we know the place now. I want to crack those idiots' heads open."

"Right…" And with a heavy heart, Pain follows suit. They fought their way through each step of the seemingly endless stairs, up the tower with courage and dignity(while they still had it).

And when they reached the top, Pain examines the door, and the Gaara in front of it, then he says, "I'm beat! That was… the most horrible… can't breathe…" and faints with fatigue.

"You're pathetic," Konan mutters and catches up to him. "Why is the ichibi here?"

"More importantly, Gaara! Did everyone come through this door?" Pain asks hurriedly, getting up from his fake faint.

"_More importantly?_" Konan retorts. "Isn't _that_ (pointing at Gaara) the reason why we sent every one of those frocked morons out here?"

"In here," Gaara speaks for the first time since they arrived.

"I don't care about all that, just answer my question," Pain argues.

"Yup, everyone went in there. My siblings and the Konoha ninjas are in there as well," Gaara states.

"Drat!" Pain swears. "Then we need to be different and come in through the window! We need to be special!"

"Um, sorry, Deidara and Sasori came in through the window," Gaara points out.

"Double drat! Now what do we do? Which window did they come in by?"

Gaara sighs exasperatedly. "There's only one window, stupid."

"Why are the gods testing me? Wait, I _am_ god. Why am I testing myself?"

"Is someone out there?" Shino pipes up. There is a rustle from the room, followed by murmurs and a tensed atmosphere. "More importantly… Did someone just say "Why"? You know, I have the answers!" Shino starts getting excited. "I haven't answered that question in ages!"

_Thud._ There is a muffled scream and then silence.

"You heard nothing!" A voice from inside calls out.

"Kakashi, you didn't have to go that far!" Asuma yells irritably.

"You're right, I shouldn't have whacked him with my book. A boot would have sufficed."

"Hatake Kakashi's in there?" Pain says disbelievingly.

"Pain-sama? Is that you?" A chorus of greets from the frocked people comes.

"What in the—Are you all in there?" Pain is unhinged. "Oi, I thought I told you to capture both of the tailed beasts? And Zetsu, didn't you even tell me about some thetalkingtree-oniisan person? Why are all of you goofing off in there with the Konoha nins?" Pain chides.

"Not like we had a choice," Kisame grumbles.

"Pain-sama, listen! Don't come through that door! This tower's cursed—" Itachi begins explaining but was cut off by Sasuke.

"Accursed. The tower's accursed. Foolish brother, you've got it wrong."

"Like that matters! Both mean the same anyway!"

"See there? It's your lack of concern for insignificant details like this that will lead you to your demise. And I'll be there. We'll see who has the last laugh!"

"Itachi stop messing around with your brother and finish what you were saying! I hate it when sentences are cut off—like this," Pain gets vexed.

"Fine, fine, as I was saying," Itachi continues. "This _accursed_ tower will prevent anyone who gets trapped in the highest floor from leaving."

"I heard that there's a window in there," Konan says sceptically.

"We can't jump out! There's a moat full of genetically modified piranhas down there, didn't you see it on your way up?" Itachi argues.

"Well, I did see neon signs but no moat full of mutant fish," Pain says.

"Aha, so what did you think of my work?" Gaara speaks all of a sudden. "The neon signs, I mean. I made them myself. I just had so much free time while the authors were on hiatus leaving the idiots behind this door to their impending doom."

"…"

After a moment of awkward silence, Konan is distempered. "So what then? We're supposed to _make_ our own entrance or something?"

Pain stares at Konan as the dramatic inspirational music in the background starts playing. "I've had an epiphany! Come on Konan, let's go!" Pain exclaims and drags Konan to the rooftop of the tower(which was higher than the highest floor because it was a rooftop and rooftops are flat and easily accessible).

Gaara watches them go, impressed. "Smartest idiots I've seen since I arrived. They decided to leave."

"Noo! Why? They're just abandoning us?" Ino cries.

"But they're the enemy so it doesn't matter right?" Shikamaru asks, puzzled.

"True, hmm, but they're not _our_ enemy, hmm!" Deidara hmmed.

"Well, whatever, we're all going to die," Whitey says disdainfully.

"Stop being so negative! It's ironic that you're the white one," Zetsu's Blacky snaps.

Meanwhile, on the roof…

"_Standing on the rooftops! Everybody scream your heart out!_" –(Rooftops© by The Lost Prophets)

"Stop singing, Pain. It's painful" (This pun is also painful)

"Yes, ma'am."

"Do something useful. The authors even made a 'Meanwhile, on the roof…' for you."

"Right, my epiphany. Do you have vine?"

"Vine? Why would I have vine?"

"Fine, a rope then, or any long, strong, thick line or cord, commonly one composed of twisted or braided strands of hemp, flax, or the like, or of wire or other material 1." Pain reads off of his Dictionary[.]com app.

"I thought you lost your phone..?"

"Oh yeah.." Pain tosses it off the tower. "Umm, please make me some rope with your paper power."

"Paper power sounds so retarded.. nevertheless, NO"

"Why?"

"You weren't polite."

"But I said please!"

"Oh. Sorry. Say it again, I must've missed it."

"Paper power please?"

"Here you go," Konan delightfully hands him a coil of paper rope.

"Thank you," Pain takes the paper rope. "Now I'll tie this end of the rope to one of the tower's merlons and then…"

"What's a merlon?" Konan shot him a scornful look.

"Oh, it's the upward portion of a crenelation, the part of the top wall located between the embrasures or crenels. 2 "

"… I still don't know what it is. I didn't know you were capable of such smart-sounding things."

Pain rolls his eyes irritably. "It's this thingy _|-|_|-|_|-|_. The wavy thing on the top of the castle."

"Oh, I see!" Konan says enthusiastically before regaining her composure "Proceed."

"Then, I shall swing from it and crash into the wall which will create a hole! So, be prepared because when the hole is made, you have to grab the jinchuuriki before it escapes!"

"Got it…"

"If.. if I don't make it back, tell the kids that I love them."

"What in tarnation are you saying?"

" Ah, right, we never had them. In that case, I have no regrets."

"…"

"You can have my phone instead then. If you can find it. Here I go!" And Pain sets his plan into action by clinging onto the flimsy paper rope as if it was dear life itself and flings himself off of the tower. The cold wind ruffles his hair as he gets into position.

_Crash._

"Did you hear something, hmm?"

"I think I just saw Pain flying!"

"Shut up Kakuzu, hmm! Pain can't fly. Only I can, hmm!"

"But you heard the crash right?"

"Only I crash, hmm! Art is _my_ bang, hmm! My bang, crash, kaboom etc. hmm!"

"I wish I had money," thus Kakuzu finishes this conversation with Deidara in a most irrelevant manner.

Meanwhile, in the second highest floor of the accursed tower… (the one below the highest where our heroes[subjectable] are trapped)

"Ow…" Pain groans. He pokes his head out of the hole in the wall.

"I shall not let you escape, you stupid jinchuuriki!" Konan screams and wraps Pain up with her paper blanket.

"Wha—wait, it's me!" Pain manages to cry out before he is completely mummified.

"Oh, sorry," Konan says and she climbs down the paper rope into the room Pain crashed in. "By the way, we're in the wrong room."

"I can see that. There's no one here," Pain grumbles. Before they had time to do anything else, the wall that they crashed into starts healing itself.

"Huh? What's happening?" Konan looks at the closing hole, disquietened.

"No! It's closing up! Stop it!" Pain rushes towards the hole, but alas, all was in vain as the hole had closed up and there was no way to escape.

".. Urgh.. what a stupid place. There's no door, no window, no nothing!" Konan complains.

"No exit.. trapped… enclosed space.. no, I'm claustrophobic, help! I think the walls are closing in on me!" Pain wails, sitting in a corner, hugging his knees.

Meanwhile, in the highest story.. (one floor above)

"Do you hear something?" Sakura asks.

"Nah, probably just the wind," Chouji says.

Meanwhile, one floor below…

"I'm trapped, I'm scared, I'm not special and I think I have a yeuk on my butt. The meanwhile thing is so cliché," Pain howls.

"Shut up! We're not going to be stuck here. It's too nostalgic."

"Oh, you mean like that time we went on our fisrt date?"

"Man, that was a disaster…" Konan is drawn into her horrible memories for awhile. "Anyway, I think that's the exit," she says, pointing to a trap door on the ceiling.

"A trap door on the ceiling? We're saved!"

"What kind of exit-less room has a trap door on the _ceiling_?" Konan scoffs.

"An oubliette."

"A whatsammacallit?"

"A dungeon or cell with the only opening being a trap door in the ceiling 2 ," Pain says in a matter-of-fact tone.

"How do you know all this stuff about castles?"

"I took castlelology in University."

"Wow."

A few moments later… (Not so cliché now is it?)

"I see all of them!" Pain exclaims.

"Huh? Pain-sama? What're you doing under there?" Itachi says.

"Pain? He's under the bed?" Lee says in dramatic disbelief.

"Hehehe…" Sasuke smirks.

"Yeah, it's a trap door!" Pain crawls out, followed by Konan.

"DON'T CLOSE THAT DOOR!" Everyone screams.

"Oh, all right." They leave it open. "But I don't know what good that will do but in any case, here." Pain shifts the bed aside. "It's not an exit."

"What? Then how did you get in there?" Kankuro questions.

"I crashed into it," Pain says.

"What?"

"Long story," Konan finishes. "You're better off in this room. There are no windows or doors down there. It's an oubliette."

"Ah," everyone says understandingly.

"All of you know what an oubliette is?" Konan asks, disquieted.

"Yeah, of course. We're not stupid," Naruto says.

"Even the idiot knows?" Konan is shocked. _Am I the only one who didn't know?_ Konan thinks and sits on the bed, hugging her knees in depression.

"It's all right, I'll still love you," Pain pats her on the back. Everyone stares.

"Umm.. did I say love? I meant.. employ. I'll still employ her.. because she's my employee, and I'm her employer.. ah-hm." Pain stumbles. There is another awkward silence.

"Hehehe…" Sasuke smirks again.

"Would you cut that out?" Itachi snaps.

"Hehehe… Pain, Konan…" Sasuke gives them a very creepy grin. "The bed has been soiled."

"What the-?" Konan jumps off of it hastily.

"All right, who's the wise guy?" Pain looks around cynically but everyone returns to their original routine. "Wait, are we stuck here?"

"Pretty much," Neji says.

"You can't be serious! I don't wanna! Stop it, I'm a god, I don't deserve this sort of treatment! Do something! Stop ignoring me! Stoppitstoppitstoppi—"

_Thud._

"Used the boot this time, didn't ya."

"Yup."

Meanwhile outside the room…

Gaara sighs, preparing for his daily nap. "All's well that ends well."

Meanwhile in Konoha…

"It's been a while," Tsunade says in an eerily silent voice.

"That's because the authors were on hiatus, Tsunade-sama," Shizune explains.

"They were slacking off! Just like the rest of those pigs! No offence, Tonton"

"But…"

"They have no excuse. As if the GSCEs are so important. Now, I'll have to take drastic measures," Tsunade decides.

"Gasp! You don't mean…" Shizune is shocked by this decision. "Please think about it!"

"I've had a lot of time to think. I'm firm on this. We need professionals. Get me my Japanese to English dictionary," Tsunade orders. "We're calling James Bond."

-END-

Note: Ah, feels good to be writing again. Sorry for the long hiatus. We've had important exams this year, say, GCSEs, streaming and other irrelevant things in life which we might need to get a job so we can keep paying the electricity bills to keep the computer running to keep writing this fanfic. We shall try to write more, hope you enjoy~ Do look forward to the next chapter. It's another special muhuhahaha xD

Sources:

© dictionary[.]com definition of rope

© inlandregion[.]org definition of merlon and oubliette


	12. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

.-.

Note: What is said in English will be **bold**. What is said in jap will remain as it has been.

.-.

_He's the man! The one who rules the spy world and the box office! He's James Bond, Spy 007!_

In Konoha…

"**Yes, I understand. I've got the details, Madam.**"

Tsunade nods with content and raises her hand, "**Then go, do what you must do, Supai Nana**"

"**Please, Spy Double-o seven suits me better.**"

"**But nana is seven in Japanese**," Shizune says.

"**Yes, I am aware of that but I prefer to be addressed as I would be in English.**"

"**Fine, fine whatever as long as you finish the task**," Tsunade says dryly.

And the mysterious(suspicious-looking) man donned in black exits the office, his footsteps fading in a decrescendo.

At the tower country…

A limousine, about 13 metres, pulls up somewhere. The man who is known as Supai nana exits the vehicle in style.

The front window rolls down and James' chauffer says, "**Mr Bond. Be careful. They're assassins. More importantly, they're Japanese assassins. What's more, they're Japanese manga characters. Don't let your guard down.**"

"**Worry not, my good man. I shall be fine, I have the latest technology that they cannot possibly have in this dump.**"

"**Yes, even this limousine isn't supposed to exist in this world. But whatever.**"

"**I shall be off then. Since there seems to be no parking lots nearby, you stay here. I don't need **_**another**_** parking ticket.**"

"**Yes, Mr Bond. May the god of cliché spy movies be with you.**"

James puts on his glasses in a cool way. "**I'm not spyist** (it's a religion)"

_**Wow! I wish I was as cool as him!**_ The chauffer thinks before pulling up the glass and turning off the engine as the engine was preventing James' theme song to be heard.

Up in the highest floor of the accursed tower…

Naruto hangs limp at the window, looking at the freedom that was once his. His thoughts revolved around ramen as he stared into nothingness. Then, he spotted something that even an idiot like him could tell was out of place.

"Hey guys, look! There's a huge, sleek black thing with wheels down there! It's really long!"

"Yeah, right, stop blabbering," Sakura hits him on the head. She comes over to the window and is awed. "Wow, that is a very long and sleek, black thing. It has wheels too!"

"That's what I said!" Naruto retorts but the two of them continue to stare.

Sasuke is curious but cannot risk losing his reputation by seeming eager so he tries to act cool. He walks over and shoves Naruto aside, saying in a low voice, "Let me see."

"It's so cool, right?" Sakura asks excitedly.

"Not really," He lies.

"But that's even longer than Kisame's—" Naruto starts but is interrupted by gasps and stares.

"I was going to say sword," Naruto finishes, confused. There are sighs of relief and Deidara shoves his way through.

"I want to see it hmm!" Pain and Konan follow as well.

"Wow! That's so cool! I want to conquer it!" Pain stares at it greedily.

"I think it's some sort of animal. Didn't you cover this in castlelology?" Konan asks, and soon everyone wants to look at the weird thing that's popped by.

"It's a limousine," Shikamaru says from the sofa.

"And why do _you_ get to name it?" Temari asks.

"I didn't name it, that's what it's called. It's any large, luxurious automobile, especially one driven by a chauffeur. 1"

"How do you even know that?" Kakuzu asks scornfully, intrigued by this 'luxurious automobile'. "And how do you get one?"

"It's something only rich people have. And besides, my IQ's over 200, remember? Of course I know what it is. It's so troublesome explaining everything."

"If it's for the rich, then I want it!" Kakuzu says.

"Move and let me see it," says Gaara. There is a momentary silence as everyone turns around and sees Gaara by the door. Gaara closes the door.

"WHY DID YOU DO THAT?" Asuma yells.

"I wanted to see this luxurious automobile. The window outside doesn't face the front. All I can see from there are Mount Fuji, the Taj Mahal, some tall French tower and the great wall of China. I can even see a flock of dodo birds flying around the pyramids of Egypt. But _this_, this limousine, I just have to see it." Gaara explains.

"You jerk, you answered that question," Shino glares at him. "Now I'll give the correct answer."

"No thank you," Gaara says and walks up to the window.

"We should push Shino into the oubliette and sit on the trap door," Kiba offers.

"We should push him out of the window, into the moat," Tenten grumbles. "That's better than wasting human resources by getting someone to guard the trapdoor."

"Wait a minute, Gaara, you do realise that by coming in here, you're trapped too?" Whitey asks.

"And you're looking at the negative things again," Blacky rolls his eye(the one on his side).

"But this limo! This awesomeness is so worth being trapped in here with you losers," Gaara rebuts.

"Really, Gaara? Is it?" Kankuro doubts.

"Well, in my opinion… yes. But I _will_ get out. Because it is my destiny to sit outside that door." Gaara says before continuing to stare at the limo.

"Well it is cool," Kakashi says. "It made me get off of the sofa and walk all the way over here. Ergo it is most probably worth it. And by the way, where's Gai? I haven't seen him (or heard his annoying voice) in the past few chapters."

Gai is sitting in a corner, cross-legged and face devoid of life whatsoever. "No one cares about me. I've been ignored by the authors."

"NO! Gai-sensei, that's not true! You have not been forgotten! Show some of your youth spirit!" Lee cries(literally) with the sunset and waves crashing in the imaginary background of theirs before the student and teacher duo hug with the passion of their youth.

"Well that was a gross and wasted paragraph," Neji says condescendingly." A whole 67 words [Gai is…youth.] wasted. Ah, well. I haven't been heard from recently either, am I complaining?"

"You're complaining now," Kurenai says.

"No I'm not."

Hinata looks up from where she had been blending in the shadows for the past few chapters and says, "I h-h-h-haven't-t s-s-said anyt-t-thing either f-for awhile. I th-think I-i-i-I'm n-not w-w-worth m-m-mentioning…"

"Nah, while you might be worth mentioning, you're stupid stutter is driving us crazy. That's probably why the authors got too lazy to include you in our conversation," Hidan snaps. "See? Just now, your stupid broken tape recorder words messed up my praying."

Hinata shuts up for the rest of the chapter.

Outside the room, where Gaara used to be…

"**I've made it..**" James gasps. "**Stupid.. stairs.. Most troublesome mission ever… Should I have said that I don't do rescues?**"

James takes out his laser lipstick and toxic eye shadow. "**Now.. to somehow open this door from which strange Japanese sounds are coming.**" He blasts the laser at the door, but to no avail. The magic door simply would not budge.

"**This must be some sort of Japanese technology! How could it repel my laser lipstick?**"

"Hey, do you hear some English idiot outside?" Itachi asks, confused by the strange noises coming from outside.

James hears it (and because he's some great spy, he knows Japanese) and says, "All right, who said 'the English idiot outside'?"

"Gasp! The English idiot knows Japanese!" Everyone is shocked. Kakashi stops reading his book as this sudden development seems more interesting than Jiraya's nonsense in icha-icha.

"Listen! I'm here on a mission!" James yells.

"_Everyone_ was here on a mission," Kakashi mutters.

"What was that?"

"Nothing."

"Hey," Sasori speaks up. "It's been a while since we had to teach an idiot how to open the door."

"Yes!' James yells from outside, not clearly hearing the words of those inside. "I'm here to open the door! Just give me some time."

"Just open it," Shikamaru mutters. "Troublesome English."

"I am trying to!"

"Turn the knob you goofball," Sasuke says.

"Turn the knob! That's.. That's it?" James is cynical about this. _**It must be some sort of trap! How can it be this easy? I cannot trust these ninjas!**_

"What are you waiting for!" Ino screams. Everyone gets into position, ready for the freedom that seemingly awaits them.

"**Here goes!**" James opens the door by cautiously turning the knob. With such elegance and composure, he does so, in a very spy-like manner and for a moment, time seems to hold still… Everything moves in slow motion, as James walks in. All the ninjas rush at him, wanting to escape this hell-hole.

_Bang!_

"Stop right there!" James yells, after having shot a bullet from his pistol. The slow motion effect is cut, and everyone stops, shocked by the gun in his hand.

"Now, put your hands up where I can see them," James orders, and everyone does so. "Ew, you have tongues lolling out of your hands!" James points at Deidara.

"It was a medical problem. Deal with it," Deidara snaps.

"Looks like the piranhas aren't the only ones mutant here," Kurenai whispers.

"That's all fine, but don't close the door!" Asuma says hastily.

"I'm not **stupid**.[ore wa stupiddo janai] I gathered information on this place during the short trip here on my limo."

"That's all good, but who the heck are you?" Konan asks irritably.

"I am James Bond! Spy 007. I'm _on her_ _majesty's secret service from Russia with love_!"

"So… the luxurious automobile's yours?" Pain asks.

"Yes, I am, after all, a rich guy. I've acted in tons of movies and I do earn quite a lot from my missions."

"Then you shall hand it over!" Pain threatens, ready to attack.

"Stay back! I have the _license to kill_! Would you rather die now, or _die another day_?"

"Hey, could I be your partner? We could discuss financial issues," Kakuzu asks, obviously intending to rob him.

"Nope. Not interested. I'll beat _the living daylights_ out of you if you try anything funny."

"How'd you gather information in _that_ thing?" Temari scoffs.

"I used the internet to read 'The Accursed Tower' on fanfic and found all the information I needed. This door shall not be closed!"

Just then, the door closes behind him.

"**WHAT?**" James turns in shock.

"What the heck just happened? The wind blew it shut or something?" Sasuke exclaims.

"Or something. I told you I'd get out."

"Gaara? You little nitwit! Open that door!" Naruto yells.

"But how… how did he get past me..? I have a _golden eye_.. I should have seen him!" James slumps, shocked by this turn of events.

"Ah, well, time for my nap. Have fun inside!" Gaara starts to nap.

"What the—you selfish little-! I'll blast this door down!" James yells in rage.

"Hey supai nana, that won't work," Sasuke comments. "There's nothing you can do."

"**Shut up**. I am _the man with the golden gun_. There's nothing I can't do!" James takes out his spy gadgets. "This laser lipstick should do the trick!" Everyone stares at him. "What? It wasn't _my _choice, if that's what you were thinking." James Bond was a bad liar. And so, he shot a laser beam at the door which ricocheted and flew out the window, just barely missing Naruto's head.

"Watch where you point that thing, stupid nana!" Naruto yells at him.

"What kind of Japanese technology is this?"

"It's not technology," Shikamaru mutters. "It's chakra. Something you would never understand."

"_Never say never again_! I will do this… Nothing can stop me, I'm James Bond!"

A few hours later…

"**Darn it…** why? Why won't it work!" James whines.

"Take a chill pill, man," Kakashi says. "We're all used to it. The initial despair will go away. Just relax and wait to be rescued."

"I will not wait to be rescued! I'm not some damsel in distress! _You only live twice_ and I don't want to spend both my lives in here. I'm James Bond!"

"That's the third time he's said his name," Naruto says. "As if you're that important! I'm the one who wants to become Hokage!" And then he sits by the wall and starts grumbling.

"Yes, I am important. In all my movies, I'm the star! There's supposed to be action! Impossible scenes, retarded villains and girls! I'm the guy who has my own theme song!"

"So, we're not girls, then?" Ino asks, representing the female population in the tower.

"You're children!"

"I'm an adult," Kurenai says.

"But she's taken!" Asuma adds hastily.

"I'm an adult too," Konan says.

"But—" Pain starts but is whacked unconscious by Konan.

"So, that means you're available," James walks over, kneeling and holding up a flower. "Beautiful lady, I was made _for your eyes only_. You are fit to replace _the spy who loved me_. _The world is not enough _to hold my love for you. Sure, we're stuck here today, but _tomorrow never dies_. You define my _quantum of solace_."

"You're cornier than the main character of icha-icha," Kakashi pipes in.

"I'm in the middle of something here, _thunderball_," James snaps.

"What kind of insult is that?" Kakashi snorts.

James ignores him and looks back to Konan. "So, will you love me?"

"Sorry, you're not my type. I hate English guys," Konan's words pierce James' heart like icy daggers that were extra sharp.

"Wha—you could've mentioned that before I used up all my pick-up lines in Japanese!"

"Dude, let it go, man," Kiba consoles James. "You know what they say, _live and let die_."

"Get away from me, dog-breath! I'm getting out of here! It's chaos in a confined corner!(literally)"

"But, there's no way out! What're you planning to do?" Pain asks, James' rejection being enough to heal and energize him.

"I have a parachute!" James reveals his greatest secret and plan of escape.

"WHAT?" Everyone is shocked by his betrayal. (even after only a few hours, they had a strong _bond_) [ironic isn't it?]

"That's right! I can escape!" James jumps onto the window ledge.

"No, we were asking what in tarnation is a parachute?" Temari shouts.

"Too bad for you. Now, I'll be gone but you'll remember me in your hearts, like how _diamonds are forever_!" And with that, James Bond, Spy 007, jumps out of the window, releases his parachute and—

"**AAARARGHGH! HEEEELPP MEEEE!**"

"What the-?"

_Splash!_

-silence—

"He was a good man with a lousy attitude.." Neji began. "Nah, strike that, he sucked."

"What just happened?" Naruto asks, puzzled by what was going on.

"I didn't know piranhas could jump that high," Kakashi mused with temporary bewilderment before continuing his book.

Meanwhile, in Konoha…

"I knew we couldn't trust the English!" Tsunade fumes, pacing in her office.

"I thought he was American?" Shizune asks.

"Like I care! I spent a lot of money on that no good, dirty rotten pig-stealing—"

"Tsunade-sama!"

"I was going to say jerk," Tsunade says, confused.

"Right.." Shizune looks away, embarrassed.

At that moment, Jiraiya bursts into the office looking really excited. "I've found the Akatsuki's new hideout! They're in the accursed tower of the Tower country!"

"What? Naruto and Gaara are there too!" Tsunade is shocked by this revelation.

"Maybe that's why they didn't come back," Shizune suggested.

"But.. all the other ninjas.. Nevermind that, Jiraiya, you must head there at once! Their lives are at stake!" Tsunade explodes.

"Huh? But I just got here.."

"Just go!"

"Fine, fine, nasty old hag.."

"WHAT DID YOU CALL ME?"

But Jiraiya was already gone by then.

Meanwhile in the Tower country…

"**Mr Bond sure is late…**"

-END-

Note: Hello! I love James Bond… fufufu. Not really. Well, this chapter was fun. Maybe some of you may have noticed, the words in italic were some of the names of James Bond movies. We're going to India for vacation but don't worry, we're bringing our laptop. We'll be writing more! By the way, the world's longest limousine, Hummer H2 limo is around 12.2 metres (40 feet) and the limo in the story was 13 metres [haha, we beat the record]. That hummer could hold 26 people, and had 2 plasma tvs, a dance floor and a laser light show.

© Dictionary[.]com definition of limousine

James Bond Movies:

-On her majesty's secret service

-From Russia with love

-License to kill

-Die another day

-The living daylights

-GoldenEye

-The man with the golden gun

-Never say never again

-You only live twice

-For your eyes only

-The spy who loved me

-The world is not enough

-Tomorrow never dies

-Quantum of solace

-Thunderball

-Live and let die

-Diamonds are forever


	13. Chapter 12

Chapter 12

In the tower…

"Hey…" Temari begins uncomfortably. "In the last chapter someone asked 'why' several times and no one… or at least, Shino didn't answer…"

"He has been silenced,"Kiba answers sinisterly. Everyone stares at Kiba.

"Should we be worried?" Ino whispers.

"Nah, he was a pain in the butt anyway," Kakashi says before he continues to read.

From the oubliette, scratchy noises and muffled screams could be heard.

Somewhere in the Tower country…

Jiraiya walks through the many towers that stood still and untouched in the province of the great Tower country. Jiraiya, unusually focused on the destination, was surprised to see a long, black and sleek thing with wheels laying still and silent in front of a highly decorated tower.

He walks over to examine this magnificent beast. Suddenly, the windows of the limousine rolled down and inside laid an extremely bored-looking man.

"Have you seen Mr Bond?" the chauffer asks.

Jiraiya is taken aback. "Mr Bond?"

"Yes, Mr Bond."

"No, sorry. Have you seen a bunch of grown men in black frocks with cloud patterns?"

"No sir. I haven't," the chauffer replies, a little puzzled.

"That's sad. I'm too lazy to look for them."

"Though, I think you could start searching in that highly decorated tower. It seems quite suspicious," the chauffer offers.

"You're right, thanks," says Jiraiya and starts for that tower.

"If you see Mr. Bond, tell him I'm waiting!" The chauffer calls.

"Mr Bond?"

"Mr James Bond."

"Sure, whatever old guy (even though the chauffer is probably younger than Jiraiya)," Jiraiya says with a quizzical expression.

Meanwhile, in the tower…

"I propose to initiate this meeting. Is everyone present?" Pain calls out to his little group of frocked men huddled in a corner (and Konan).

"What's the point of this stupid meeting, we can't get out," Sasori says.

"Yeah, hmm, and it's quite stuffy crowding around like this hmm!"

"I know, right? Whose horrible idea was this?" Kiba demands. All the members of Akatsuki stare at him.

"What are you? You're not part of Akatsuki. Shoo, shoo!" Konan shoves him away.

"Fine, fine.. tough crowd," Kiba complains as he is kicked out of the circle.

In the other side of the room, Ino, Sakura, Tenten and Temari are huddled in a stuffy circle.

"I propose to initiate this meeting. Is everyone present?" Sakura calls to her little group of Sasuke fan girls.

"Who made _you_ leader?" Ino snorts as she prepares herself for an argument.

"I'm the closest to Sasuke-kun so therefore, I am of a higher status than you. Thus, I have all the rights to become leader."

"What did you say you little—"

"Girls, girls, stop fighting. There's enough of Sasuke to go around," Kiba interrupts. The four girls stare at him.

"Are you… a Sasuke fan girl?" Sakura asks, confused (and shocked).

"Nope, I'm just here, messing around at other people's meetings," Kiba says proudly.

"Then shoo. Go away. Shoo, shoo!" Ino and Sakura kick him out of the circle.

"Speaking of which," Temari begins. "Why am I here? I'm not a Sasuke fan girl."

"Yeah, me neither," Tenten says. "I thought this was an emergency meeting or something."

"Let's go, Tenten." Temari and Tenten leave as well.

"All of you will rue the day you kicked Inuzuka Kiba out of your meetings!" Kiba yells as he storms off to start his own meeting.

Meanwhile, in the stairs…

"Huff- wheeze, cough. Wheeeze." Jiraiya struggles up the stairs, as if every step was draining his life away. _I'm too old for this._ He thinks as he pauses for a breather. But he was on a special mission! _Stupid kids. They push all these troublesome missions to the sennins_.

A long while later…

Gaara was sitting in front of the door leading to the highest room in the highest floor of the accursed tower when he heard footsteps and wheezing. So, he stopped what he was doing and sat up. And with his deepest voice, Gaara called out, "Who goes there?"

There is no reply, but the footsteps grow louder. Jiraiya appears, ever so gallantly in the lustrous sunlight shining in through the window. His silver mane glistens in the slivers of glorious light, his eyes, solid with determination. Or at least this is what he looked like thirty years ago. Now, a tired old man, half dead on his feet makes it to the top and starts coughing, so hard that just watching him hurts. Even typing it hurts. It was so heinous that—

** We apologize for this interruption, but we will be switching typists as the one who has been typing until now has been sent to the hospital for finger-related medical issues caused by Jiraiya's dangerously contagious pain. **

Jiraiya holds up a finger, "Give me a minute, *wheeze* I can't breathe *cough*"

"I have sand and I'm not afraid to use it!" Gaara says, preparing to attack, intimidated by this very disturbing and painful presence.

"Sand? Then you're the ichibi?" Jiraiya says after catching his breath.

"Yes. And I think I know you."

"You do?" Jiraiya is thrilled.

"Yeah, Elvis Presley, right?"

"…Just tell me where everyone has disappeared to.."

"They're in this room. Why did you come here? To rescue them?"

"Somewhat.. We found information that Akatsuki's new hideout was in the Tower country and all of the Konoha ninjas that were sent to the accursed tower in the Tower country never made it back so we believed that Akatsuki is behind this."

"Akatsuki _is_ behind this," Gaara smirks.

"Really? You're sure?"

"Yup. They're behind this door," Gaara says.

"No, it can't be as easy as that… it must be a trap!" Jiraiya says uneasily.

"I'm telling the truth, do believe me whoever you are."

"Jiraiya! I'm the famous author and ninja sage, have you never heard of me? Geez, stupid kids…"

"Oh! I know you!" _The perverted one_. Gaara snickers evilly.

"What're you laughing at? You kids never understand true genius, even if it slaps you in the face."

"There're beautiful ladies behind this door."

"Out of my way," says Jiraiya and he waltzes through that door, shutting it behind him.

Everyone stares. "Oh, hi ero-sennin," Naruto greets.

"Another one has joined us," Hidan says.

"Join? What do you mean? What are all of you doing in here with the Akatsuki members?"

"Long story," Kakashi mumbles.

"But—the jinchuuriki-?"

"We do not intend to make our move… yet," Blackey says.

"Yes, when you lower your guard, we will strike!" Whitey continues.

"Yeah right. They're currently at ease with this whole gathering. The only reason we haven't done anything yet is because our chakra's being drained," Sasori snaps. "Stop trying to act sinister and all."

"… Yahiko and Konan? You're both part of Akatsuki?" Jiraiya notices them trying to hide.

"Darn, he noticed," Pain swears. "And my name is Pain. Not Yahiko."

"Where's Nagato?"

"He's… GONE!" Pain says sinisterly.

"Enough with the effects. You both are in big trouble. You have a lot of explaining to do," Jiraiya scolds.

"Haha Pain's in trouble," Hidan mocks. "He's gonna be grounded."

"See what you've done! They'll never respect me now," Pain says and goes into depression. "You will rue the day you called me by that name!"

Kiba snorts. "What are you, his guardian or something? What the heck did you come in here for anyway?"

"Gaara said that there were beautiful ladies in here."

"He also said that there was money in here," Kakuzu mutters.

"No! Then I must leave before I lose my sanity with a bunch of—" Jiraiya begins before he is interrupted by Kakashi.

"Can you write the next book while you're here? I'm almost done."

"Well, I have no inspiration! I need sophisticated inspiration to unleash my imagination and intelligence upon this world! Only then, can I continue writing the next book which will then be read by billions of my fans!"

"I think Kakashi-sensei is your only fan," Sakura snaps.

"As if you'd know. You're just a kid," Jiraiya snorts and starts sulking.

"If you want inspiration," Kiba begins with an evil motive that might put the rest of them out of their misery. "Go into the oubliette." The evil motive is spread through the room as sinister chuckles arise.

"In the oubliette?" Jiraiya asks, intrigued by this vague offer that might be what he is looking for as his inspiration.

"Do you even know what an oubliette is?" Konan asks, smirking.

"Of course I do. I'm a senile old pervert not an idiot!" Jiraiya exclaims.

Pain pokes Konan, "Hehe, even _he _knows."

Konan turns to Pain with an inexplicable expression on her face which is indescribable because this story is K+ which means general viewing so such a violent facial expression that could kill the guard dogs of hell is not allowed to be explained. In other words, it is ineffable. We'll skip to the part where Pain faints after witnessing that ineffable facial expression. Konan then goes into depression chanting (or mumbling) that she can't be worse than that senile old pervert.

"Where's this oubliette?" Jiraiya says excitedly.

"Under the bed," Sasuke points out.

"All righty then. Excuse me, I'll be on my way." Saying that, he goes over to the bed, shoves it aside and opens the trap door.

"Hey, it's empty down the- AAAAAAAA"

_Thud._

"Who pushed me? Hey, what're you- don't close that door!" The door was closed by Kankuro and the bed was pushed back over.

"Hey, locking people inside rooms they were tricked into going is actually kinda fun. I think I understand how Gaara feels," Kankuro says awed by this new heartfelt emotion. Temari slaps him.

"Ow. Right. Sorry, back to normal," Kankuro stumbles, a bit dazed by the unearthly sensation he just felt.

"You guys can do whatever you like, hiding him and stuff," Kakashi pipes up over the laughter and content. "But when I am done with the last book of Icha icha that is available so far, I want the next one written and given to me."

There is a silence deadlier than deadly silence through which an unhinging feeling reverberates in the air. This feeling, arises due to the fact that everyone knows that something very bad will happen if Hatake Kakashi doesn't get what he wants.

Meanwhile in the oubliette…

"Darn, those stupid kids tricked me! _Why?_ What did I do?" Jiraiya complains. Just then, an eager groan is heard and Jiraiya notices Shino tied and gagged in the corner of the room.

"Wha… um… do you want me to untie you?"

Shino nods excitedly. Jiraiya unties him, then Shino starts babbling away.

"WHY! So many questions! Why are you trapped in here you ask?" Shino yells loudly.

Everyone above could hear him.

"Jiraiya untied him?" Ino is shocked.

"Boy, I didn't see that coming," Kiba says, startled.

"Probably his revenge for pushing him in there," Kankuro mutters and they all wait for the list of uncanny reasons to flood.

"_Why_ are you yelling?" Jiraiya asks annoyed, covering his ears in futile attempt.

"Why why why why! One at a time!" Shino says happily, doing a happy jig like a little kid who was just given a lollipop. "Why did the stupid kids trick you? Because stupid kids do stupid things!"

"Hey, I heard that!" Kiba yells back.

"Why am I yelling? I'm happy!"

"I would have never guessed," Temari says sarcastically, rolling her eyes.

"Why do stupid kids do stupid things? They have no brains!"

"Hey! Enough with the insults! Just keep going with Jiraiya's second question!" Kiba yells, irritated.

"All right! Since I'm happy, I don't care. And why am I happy? I finally get to answer 'why' questions! Why? Cuz Jiraiya untied me! Why?" Shino stops. "Why did Jiraiya untie me?"

"We want to know as well…" Asuma mumbles darkly.

"Because I never saw _this_ coming," Jiraiya scorns.

"Right! Why didn't he see this coming?" Shino snaps back into groove. "Cuz he's blind!"

"I'm not blind!" Jiraiya shouts.

'I don't care, I'm happy!" Shino says twirling. "Why is he blind? Cuz he likes to read fine print on anything which messed up his eyesight!"

"I do _not_ read fine print! My eyesight's fine!" Jiraiya persists. "Now I know why they tied you up!"

"No," Shino smiles a toothy grin. "You knew the reason because I gave it to you."

"When?"

"Just now. Cuz you asked."

"I never asked!"

"I think he's finally lost it," Itachi says dryly.

"He never had _it_ to begin with," Neji remarks.

"No! I'm stuck in here with you!" Jiraiya yells forebodingly.

"Kuhuhahahahaha! Why why why why why! Do you want to know why you're stuck here with me?" Shino chatters away.

"Don't make up your own questions to answer! Where's that rope and cloth…" Jiraiya looks around frantically.

"Do you want to know why the rope and cloth are gone? Cuz I hid them! Why? So that you couldn't try anything funny like tying me up again! Why? I want to answer more questions! Why?"

"Only god knows why," Jiraiya states, exasperated.

"I do too!" And Shino states his own ludicrous reason while Jiraiya moans, aware of the fact that he will be stuck down here for only god knows how long.

Meanwhile in Konoha…

"Jiraiya-sama's not back yet," Shizune says worriedly.

"I feel strangely empty. I think it's because I knew this would happen. So, it's not strange. Another reason is probably that I don't care," Tsunade says coldly.

"B-but it's possible that he's taking awhile because this mission isn't easy, right? I mean, he's facing Akatsuki…"

"They're just a bunch of monkeys in dresses! Jiraiya's so unreliable."

"Then are you planning to send anyone else..?"

"Leave me alone," Tsunade says darkly. "I'll send someone when I feel like it."

And that was that.

Back in the tower…

"I propose to initiate this meeting. Is everyone present?" Kiba calls out to his pitiable circle of Akamaru and Hinata. (It's probably a triangle, actually.)

"Woof!"

"Y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-y-yes…"

"Good, then without further delay, we shall discuss Einstein's theory of relatives."

"I-i-i-isn't i-i-it re-re-relativity? E-einstein's th-th-theory of re-relativity?" Hinata raises a question.

"No! We're not discussing that! You've got the title wrong. Don't make me regret inviting (forcing) you to join this meeting!" Kiba retorts surely.

"Y-y-yes K-k-kiba-k-k-kun."

Meanwhile in some desolate place within the sound village…

"Orochimaru-sama. I've received intelligence that Uchiha Sasuke is located within the Tower Country in some accursed tower," Kabuto reports.

"Are you angry?" Orochimaru asks bluntly.

"N-no, why?"

"You jusssst called it the accurssssssed tower."

"Um, it's actually called The Accursed Tower."

"Good. Then let'ssssssssss go get Ssssssassssssuke-kun~"

_Sinister slithering slimy snakes search for Sasuke_

-END-

Note: Hello! Sorry for not updating. (again) We realised that although we had a laptop, (two in fact), there was no internet connection. We did type half of the story. Half. Then when we did start using the internet after fixing that, we became busy and both of us had other work to attend to which meant staying away from each other. And that sucks because then we wouldn't be able to finish the rest of the story.

More importantly, we keep jinxing it by telling you when we'll update, so we won't tell anymore. Cuz when we say a date, a time or something at all, we never meet the deadline due to other nonsense.

P.S. Did you know that alliteration of words starting with the letter 's' is called sibilance?


	14. Room Service

Room service

In the midst of the troubles our heroes face, one brave soul enters that midst, that midst filled with both our heroes and villains and some other unnecessary characters as well. That brave soul had no choice. That brave soul was paid to do this.

In the highest floor of The Accursed Tower…

"Hey, I need to go," Pain says with a serious face.

"Go where?" Naruto asks, out of pure curiosity or rather the inability to keep out of other people's business (pun intended).

"You know," Pain says irritably. "Go."

"He needs to answer nature's call," Konan says apathetically.

"Ah. Just use the bed," Naruto says matter-of-factly.

"That's disgusting. Just because you lot have been using that doesn't mean I have to," Pain whines.

"Just go. It's better than vexing the rest of us," Konan snaps.

"It's better than holding it in," Naruto suggests.

"Fine. But I won't like it," Pain says and heads over to the bed. Pain takes one look at the bed and comes back.

"I decided not to answer nature's call," he announces.

"Why? Bad connection?" Naruto smirks.

"…" Pain furrows his eyebrows into a frown. He glances over at the bed and hesitates. "Should I really… answer the call?" Pain's face -.-lll

"You don't want it leaving a message," Naruto cracks and starts bursting into laughter. "Oh, or a sms!"

"He thinks he's so funny," Konan mutters rolling her eyes.

"Dude, that is _not_ funny all right? Enough with the telephone toilet jokes, they're not funny! I seriously need to go!"

"To answer the call," Naruto calls out, rolling on the floor laughing. "Is it _ringing_ in your head?"

_Ding dong._

Just then, the doorbell sound was heard out of nowhere and everyone falls silent.

"I don't recall there being a doorbell on that stupid door when I came in…" Sasori says sceptically.

"You probably don't recall what the front of that door looks like because you didn't come in through that door," Ino scorns.

"But he is unfortunately right," Shikamaru says, getting up from where he was sitting, dreaming of clouds. "And that door bell sound did not come from the front door."

Everyone is alert now, and they glance around nervously, except for Sasuke, trying to act all cool and indifferent.

_Ding dong._

"Hello, it's room service, may I come in?" A voice calls out.

"Room service?" Even Kakashi looks up now.

"Yeah."

"Umm… Sure?" Sakura replies.

"Kay."

Everyone shuffles in the temporary silence and another _ding_ sound breaks the tableau. Elevator doors open out of nowhere and out comes a bellhop or room service guy or servant or whatever. The elevator doors close behind him but they remain there as if they had been there all along. There're even buttons to push like one would expect of a normal elevator.

"Since when was _that_ there?" Kiba asks incredulously while staring at the room's addition.

"They've been there all along," the room service guy says, a bit puzzled. "It's not like you could use it anyway so I suppose it doesn't matter. It's strictly employees only."

"Employees only?!" Naruto exclaims.

Pain raises his hand. "I want to become an employee."

"I thought you wanted to be ruler of everything… Would you really degrade yourself to a bellhop?" Konan scoffs.

Pain goes into depression.

That aside, the room service guy swiftly makes his way towards the bed. He puts down a briefcase that he suddenly was in possession of and opens it. He takes out a pair of gloves and puts them on. He takes out a peg and clips his nose. He was well prepared. Then, for final touches, he rolls his sleeves back.

Someone in the room gasps. "He's really going to do it!"

"Yeah, I'm going to clean the bed" the room service guy says coolly in a nasal voice because of the peg.

Someone faints.

Dramatic music starts playing in the background. (Preferably Fugue in D minor by Bach) All eyes are fixed at the room service guy's valiant attempt at the bed.

And he begins. The room was still, no one daring to even breathe.

And he finishes.

"Wait, what? You're done?" Temari is shocked.

"Yeah, didn't you see me clean it? I'm gonna clean the floor now if you don't mind. The oubliette is festooned with cobwebs. I need to work on that too." And he was right. The bed was most definitely and undoubtedly clean.

"Where did the soiled bed sheets go?" Tenten questions.

"Right here, in this trash bag." The room service guy holds up a trash bag.

Sakura pipes up. "Since when did you have that with you?"

"I brought it in with me. Didn't you see?"

"We didn't even see the briefcase," Hidan protests.

"You guys creep me out…." The room service guy says while he pulls out a mop from his briefcase.

All eyes are on him as he mops the floor, whistling some oddly familiar tune. Then he stops and groans.

"I thought you guys were using the bed!" He exclaims in reaction to a stinky corner.

"Hey, Akamaru can't help it, he's just marking his territory!" Kiba yells defensively.

"Was it really Akamaru?" Naruto mutters darkly, "or was it you, Kiba?"

Everyone gasps.

"How dare you accuse me of such a thing?! I'm definitely toilet trained." Kiba retorts.

"Oh so you had to be toilet trained?" Naruto sneers.

Kiba and Naruto start bickering before being interrupted by the room service guy.

"I'm done mopping! Time to clean the couch," the room service guy says as he walks over to the couch.

Kakashi glares at the room service guy, refusing to move from his comfortable position, reading his books.

The room service guy's eyes widen. "Or we could skip that… the couch looks clean enough…"

"Hey room service guy!" Shikamaru calls from where he was sitting. "Doesn't this place have a toilet? It's really troublesome with everyone using the bed all the time."

"What are you talking about? Of course this place has a toilet," the room service guy snaps back.

Everyone turns to him.

"This whole time?" Sasuke mutters. "And I've been avoiding going to the bathroom ever since I got here."

"That's rough, buddy," Itachi says, patting him on the shoulder. Sasuke flinches and punches his older brother in the gut.

"Gah! What was that for? And I was trying to be nice here," Itachi growls.

"That's why it's so suspicious," Sasuke says, alarmed. "Keep your distance, I'm watching you…"

The room service guy stares at them, very shocked. "Um.."

"So where is this toilet…" Pain pipes up.

"Yeah, he needs to answer his call!" Naruto cracks up.

"NO! Stupid Kyuubi, I do not need to—"

"It's in the oubliette," the room service guy answers in a matter-of-fact tone.

"There's a toilet in here!?" Jiraiya's voice sounds from the room under them. "I've been using the—no, nevermind, you didn't hear that…"

"There is no need to be ashamed, Jiraiya-sama," Shino pipes up, still very gleeful upon having being untied. "In the situation that we're in, no one's going to—"

There was another ominous thud noise.

"Nothing happened," Jiraiya coughs. "You can just come down here and clean this place too."

"Yeah…" the room service guy trails off. "Ah, let me see… I need to change the towels too. There's a shower room in there. Ah, yes, and the laundry service…"

"What is this place, a hotel?" Pain yells, snapping. "Just get out of the way, lowly mortal! Your god needs to use the—I mean, answer nature's call."

Pain pushes the room service guy out of the way and jumps into the oubliette.

"WHERE IS IT?" Pain roars from the lower floor.

"Geez, it's right there," the room service guy mutters, following Pain into the oubliette. "See? There!"

"It wasn't there when I first got here!"

"It was always there, bozo."

"You dare call me, a god, a bozo? No, I shall spare you because I need to go."

The room service guy cleans up the oubliette while letting the notion of a toilet sink in.

"Hey, I've got to use the bathroom too!" Tenten calls and makes her way down the oubliette.

Immediately, everyone starts rushing for the toilet.

"As the strongest ninja here, I get to go first," Sasuke says, shoving his way to the front.

"Foolish little brother. You lack hatred," Itachi says and attacks Sasuke. "If you cannot even best me in battle, you do not deserve to use the toilet."

"What? That has nothing to do with this!" Sasuke protests and the two of them begin fighting again.

Deidara laughs. "Obviously, we Akatsuki members deserve to go first, hmm!"

"Hey, we've been here the longest!" Sakura calls. "Team 7 should go first."

"No, Team 8!" Kiba calls. "We're more awesome."

"N-n-naruto-kun, y-you can t-take my p-place if y-you want…" Hinata stammers.

"Pft, again, special treatment for the main family?" Neji scorns, glaring at Hinata.

"Team Gai gets to go first!" Lee calls cheerfully, both he and Gai getting worked up.

However, Gai stops him. "No, we must be gentlemen, Lee. Let the ladies go first."

"Gai sensei! You're a genius!" Lee exclaims, turning to Sakura. "Saukra-san, forgive my brashness. Please go ahead."

Everyone stops bickering as a flushing noise is heard. Pain steps out of the toilet, sighing with relief. Before everyone can scramble for the toilet, the room service guy dashes in front of it.

"No! No one goes in until I finish cleaning it!"

"That's not fair!" Kakuzu says, "Why does only Pain get to go in, then?"

"Because I'm god," Pain says.

"No," the room service guy scoffs. "Because the bozo went in before I could stop him."

Everyone starts arguing again.

Outside the room…

Gaara looks at the door with curiosity. "It's getting pretty loud in there…"

Back inside the room…

Somehow during their little fight, Itachi has managed to pin Sasuke to the floor.

"Foolish brother! You are still too weak!" And with that Itachi pushes aside the room service guy, laughing evilly and turns the handle. It was locked.

"Someone's inside?" Itachi gasps.

"Wait, how's that possible, I was standing here!" the room service guy groans.

"Who could it be?" Itachi wonders aloud.

"Why don't you use your sharingan?" Naruto snickers.

"It doesn't work like x-ray vision!" Itachi snaps. "The byakugan works better for that."

"I am _not_ using a rare and powerful bloodline for something as cheap as looking through the toilet door!" Neji snaps.

"It's probably not like you haven't done it before…" someone mutters.

"WHO SAID THAT?" Neji yells.

Everyone falls silent as another flushing noise is heard. There was a little bit of humming and then everyone could hear a shower too.

"Someone's taking a bath in there, too?" Naruto yells.

"No kidding…" Shikamaru mutters…

"I wonder if it's a girl..." Jiraiya grins.

Everyone stares at him, disgusted.

"What? I just… wanted to borrow shampoo…" Jiraiya says. "Uh, girls have that kind of stuff…"

"Anyway," Pain rolls his eyes. "We just have to do a headcount. Whoever's missing is the loser that went inside."

Everyone starts counting and looking around.

"Gaara!" Kankuro calls. "I knew it, Gaara's the one inside!"

Temari slaps her forehead. "Gaara's outside, you nitwit!"

"Oh, right…"

Sasuke stops, realisation dawning upon him. "I know who it is… It's—"

He was cut off as the toilet door opened. Kakashi stepped out, wiping his spiky hair with a towel, still humming. He looks at everyone glaring at him murderously.

"Oh, hey guys," he greets them. "The water's fine."

The room service guy bangs his head against a wall. "I want to get over with this…"

"No, wait, it's my turn next!" Someone yells and the shuffling begins.

The room service guy quickly rushes in and slams the door behind him. "I WILL CLEAN THIS PLACE FIRST!"

Everyone groans. "It's going to take forever…" Kiba mutters.

"Aw, Kakashi, you shed hair, damnit!" The room service guy whines from inside.

"Hey, be glad Jiraiya didn't go in first!" Kakuzu says, snorting with laughter.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Jiraiya snaps.

"Well, your hair is spiky and long. Kakashi's is just spiky."

Kakashi removes his headphones. "The next person to insult my hair will be flushed down the toilet."

Kakuzu pondered this for a moment. "Hey! We can escape through the toilet!"

Everyone stares at him, shocked. Pain seems thrilled too. "That's a brilliant idea! Good thinking, Kakuzu!"

"I'd rather stay here," Sasuke began, "Than try to escape down the toilet after Kakashi used it."

Kisame rolls his eyes. "Besides, we're all too big. The only one small enough is that stupid dog belonging to one of the konoha genins."

"Akamaru's not stupid!" Kiba yells. "And I'm not sending him alone! He could drown!"

The door swings open and the room service guy stands there with a look of determination on his face. "I've cleaned it."

The rush begins again and eventually, everyone stands in a line, waiting for their turn to use the toilet as the room service guy finishes whatever he has to do here.

"Alright, I'm heading back now," he states.

"Ha! You're not going anywhere! You're stuck here with us!" Pain says, grinning evilly.

"No, Mr. God. If you were truly a god, maybe you could get yourself out of here. Unfortunately, your powers fall short compared to the great tower god," the room service guy responds in a scathing tone.

"The tower god? Who is this supposed god that you claim to be more powerful than me?" Pain shouts.

"Yeah! No one's more powerful than Jashin-sama!" Hidan calls from his place in the toilet-queue.

The room service guy laughs in a way that unnerves everyone. "Fools… All of you are at the mercy of the tower god. You'll never get out of here!"

Kakashi looks up from his book. "Did someone say something?"

The room service guy walks to a corner of the room and presses the wall as if he expected a button to be there. Surprisingly, the ding of an elevator is heard. An elevator appears and the door opens.

"Out of the way!" The Akatsuki members were the first to rush at the elevator, pushing the room service guy aside. However, when they reached the elevator doors, all they felt was a solid wall before them which they ran into.

"Ouch!" Kakuzu cries as the Akatsuki members bounce off the wall one by one and fall to the floor.

"It can't be- Genjutsu?" Itachi gasps.

But the room service guy just gets up, dusts himself and walks into the elevator. "Nah, nothing fancy. Just a forcefield. I told you the elevator was employees only." And with that, the elevator doors close and the elevator heads downwards and disappears as if it had never been there. The only proof that the room service guy had even been there was that the room was clean and the bed wasn't soiled anymore, along with the very convenient appearance of a toilet.

From outside, Gaara bangs on the door. "Hey, what was all that ruckus in there? I thought I heard an elevator?"

"I'm sorry? I thought I heard an insignificant voice from the outside?" Pain calls.

"Foolish Ichibi, you've got to be one of us to know what goes on in here, it's members-only," Itachi says.

"An Akatsuki member?" Gaara asks.

"No, you need to be one of the people trapped in here because of an idiot like you!" Kankuro snaps.

Gaara sulks from where he is sitting outside. "I don't care! I didn't want to know anyway!"

As he sat grumbling to himself, an ominous shadow falls upon him. A stranger had arrived.

Somewhere in the tower country…

"Kabuto! I thought you sssaid you knew which one it wass?"

"I'm sorry, Orochimaru-sama! All the towers look the same…"

Back in Konoha…

Tsunade takes a sip of her sake. "You know, Shizune? It's actually quite peaceful now that I'm rid of all those idiots."

"Umm, yes, I suppose it is, Tsunade-sama…"

-END-

Note: Hullo. The irony of the special chapter is that it probably has more to do with plot advancement than the usual chapters.


End file.
